“Walking the Moonwalk marathon made me cry but I came away feeling amazing” was not the headline that I thought I would be writing. At the time of walking the Moonwalk marathon I did not feel amazing. I felt like sh*t. At the time of walking the Moonwalk marathon I thought that my headline would be –
“How I cursed (and nearly crapped) my way round the Moonwalk marathon.”
Don’t worry I didn’t literally nearly crap myself. I’m talking metaphorically as in,
“why the hell am I doing this to myself? Why I am torturing myself? Whose idea was it to do a full marathon? Those lucky half-marathoners have finished now. We could have finished!”
Let’s start at the beginning – walking the Moonwalk marathon
On the morning of the Moonwalk marathon I did not wake-up feeling refreshed, I woke up feeling sick. I put this down to nerves (it wasn’t but I will explain more on that later). I was unable to eat my breakfast due to stomach cramps and headaches. I swallowed some ibuprofen and got into my walking gear. It was at this point that I realised that all of the glue and sparkles I had used on my sports bra meant that it was no longer stretchy. It had effectively shrunk. This meant that Mr C had to help me into my bra and then he spent a good couple of minutes trying to ensure that my boobs were in my bra. They were barely contained and threatened to explode out of my bra at the slightest movement. The theme for the walk and for decorating our bras had been “flappers”. I looked less like a flapper and more like an old prostitute who had met an untimely death with a vat of glitter. Think Honor Blackman in Goldfinger. Except replace James Bond with Mr C who was pissing himself with laughter at the state of me and replace Honor Blackman with me looking less gold like and more like a prostitute sausage that had rolled around in a tray of glitter. It was not a good look.
However, it was too late to do anything about it now so I dashed to the airport. I walked through security, prayed that I wouldn’t get stopped by security and therefore have to explain why I was dressed like a glittery prostitute sausage. Luckily, I wasn’t although they did give my some very strange looks.
Touching down in Brixton
I met up with Lou and Lisa in Brixton and then we trawled round Brixton trying to find some where to eat. It really was a trawl. It felt like we had done 5km already. Everyplace we stopped we would have an in-depth analysis of the food being offered – “hmmm, too spicy, could cause us to have an accident. Hmm, not enough carbs. Not enough food. Not enough choice.” We finally settled on a bar selling pizzas. My pizza seemed to have had a run in with a load of very strong olives and was not the nicest. Lou then informed us that the toilets were disgusting. A very wise lady (aka my mum) once told me that you can check how clean a restaurant’s kitchen is by checking out their toilets. I reckoned that we had all given ourselves food poisoning and had visions of the Moonwalk marathon turning into that scene from Bridesmaids – “too late”.
Arriving at Moonwalk city
We somehow managed to get a bus to where we needed to go. We then got off the bus too early and walked around for roughly another 3km trying to find the rest of our group and the entrance to the Moonwalk city. It was now that my stomach started cramping really badly. I feared that I was going to poo myself but then it suddenly dawned on me. These painful stomach cramps, the mood swings, the headaches – my period was trying to start. There was nothing I could do now. I was going to have to walk through the cramps and pray that my period didn’t start.
Moonwalk city was like a festival. Only without the booze. Also, at a festival you don’t do that much walking. Certainly not 26.2 miles of it. It felt quite well organised. There was hot food. Not that I was able to eat much of it due to feeling so rubbish. There were plenty of toilets and somewhere secure to leave your bags. There was also lots of dancing and speakers on the stage and it had a really great vibe and feel to it. You were also able to buy pink balloons filled with helium. I bought myself one and so did Lisa. I told myself that the balloon was my lucky mascot and that as long as I had that I would be okay. 10 minutes later the balloon had escaped from me and was now at the top of the Moonwalk tent. It was not a good omen. Lisa kindly (“you take it, this is going to annoy me”) gave me her balloon. However, as we were waiting to leave I passed it back to her to hold as I got something out of my bumbag. She promptly let it go. I suspect it was sabotage 😉 Either way I had no fricking balloons now and my party spirit was fast leaving like those balloons.
Did I find my party spirit? Did I walk the Moonwalk marathon? *Insert Eastender duff duffs here* Come back tomorrow to find out what walking the Moonwalk marathon is really like!