It has been a while since Mr C and I did anything as a couple. To be honest, it has been a while since Mr C and I did anything that was remotely fun, and just the two of us. Don’t get me wrong, I love being a parent and I love being married, but both can be bloody hard work. Throw into the mix that we have had two very stressful years, no family on hand to help, and you have a marriage that is under massive strain. Anyone that says being married or being in a long-term relationship is easy is deluded, it’s not.
I Don’t Trust Those Perfect Couples
I don’t trust anyone who claims that they don’t argue with their other half, ever. I wonder what is going in that head of theirs. Are they a robot? Do they not have to deal with the constant juggling of work, feeding family and the general tedium that is everyday life? We don’t argue often but sometimes only a whisper argument (so the children don’t cotton on) and a good eyeballing will do. Recently, there was a lot of eyeballing over Mr C’s purchase of a TV that I believe is so ridiculously big that I feel like I’m sat on the front row of Cineworld. I may have fantasised about telling Mr C to stick his television where the sun doesn’t shine. Those less than warm feelings towards Mr C are only fleeting and I think it is totally normal and healthy to feel this way.
Let’s also talk about the fact that I told Mr C he wouldn’t be able to drive up the road in the snow as I had already seen two cars try and fail. He chose to ignore me and what happened, he was wheel spinning and sliding back to the bottom of the hill. How do I know this? I was stood looking out of the window laughing as I muttered “I told you so, you big banana” I wasn’t laughing when he made me go out in my PJs so that I could try to push him and the car up the hill. Predictably it failed and in the end I had to dig him and the car out of the snow as I silently swore.
Then there are the heating wars we have. Mr C is a hardened northerner and won’t put the heating on, not even when we have icicles on the inside of the window. I am a southern softie and see the icicles as a definite cue for me to put the heating on. So you can imagine how I felt when on the one snowy day of the year I was told that I didn’t need to put the heating on all day. What was the first thing Mr C did as he strode into the house, me and wet pjs trailing behind him, he put the heating on! Let’s just say he was on the receiving end of my death stare!
Dreaming Of An Escape?
Sometimes I will very briefly fantasise about being on a desert island, just me and a pile of books. I normally start daydreaming like this when I am feeling extremely sleep deprived and trying to break up a fight between Oldest and Youngest. I will admit that sometimes I feel desperate for the old me, the old us, and I dream about a weekend away with Mr C, hell I would take just a night at the moment. I also find myself wondering when does a marriage stop being a marriage and change into cohabitation? All I know is that I still love Mr C and I love our family, I feel incredibly lucky and I know that a lot of people would give anything to be in my position, but sometimes when you are stuck in the day to day humdrum, repeating the same instruction again and again, you forget that you are lucky.
Relationships Are Hard Work
Marriage is hard work: maintaining any relationship is hard work. I would say making a marriage work is even harder in our modern society. We have so much, yet we are more time poor than ever. Our expectations are also higher and when those expectations aren’t met we can feel suffocated. I wonder if it’s because the landscape of marriage has changed. Does marriage even fit in with a modern society? Is the expectation still on the woman to do the majority of household tasks and to take on the main parenting role? Is it even possible to have an equal marriage?
Will A Woman Always Do More?
I would argue that no matter how hard you try to make it equal the woman will always feel like she is doing more than the lion share. Perhaps that’s because this is something that is deeply ingrained into society. We might be moving towards gender equality but in a lot of ways we are still a long way off. I like to think that Mr C and I make a good team and that we do everything we can to support each other. However, there are still compromises that have to be made on both sides for a marriage to work. Mr C has done things in the past that I haven’t agreed with and I’m know the same can be said of him about me.
However, recently I am trying to make changes. I have recognised that I need to try and stop working (aka mucking about on social media) every evening and all weekend. I recognise that we need to spend more time as a family and that we need to spend more time as a couple. I also need to make time for myself. I need to exercise because it is good for me, and I know I have mentioned this countless times before, yet still I struggle to find the motivation. Mr C says that my problem is that I am too self-critical and that I feel a need to try and do everything and I get cross when I can’t. He probably has a point.
I have decided that I need to make some changes now. This is what I plan to do this year.
- Try and get my work done during “normal” working hours
- Make a concentrated effort to do a date night or something similar with Mr C when we can. As such we have arranged babysitters and we have booked to go the Jersey Weekender festival this year.
- Join a gym or some sort of exercise classes
- Take one day off properly over the weekend
- Complete some sort of course for me, whether it be a creative writing course or photography course
- Finally, the most important one is to live in the now. To enjoy and appreciate what I have. To try and stay in the present (I know very new age) and to not take my family for granted.
Yes, it appears now is the time for New Year’s Resolutions. Better late than never. These are my March Resolutions.