I am extremely excited because today I had an interview for an amazing opportunity. I know I am being very vague but I don’t want to reveal too much just yet. However, underneath this excitement was sheer terror. Why? Because I am awful at interviews. Being a stay-at-home Mum means that I treat the opportunity of an interview like a day at the spa, adult time just for me! I get giddy. Therefore, I have been spending most of this week trying to calm down. I have been thinking about the things I must not do in an interview.
How not to do an interview
- You are so used to being known as Oldest’s Mum that when they address you with your name in the interview you stare at them blankly before you realise that they are addressing you. You do have a name!
- When they offer you a hot drink, you gleefully accept it and then find yourself cradling said cup of coffee whilst muttering “I haven’t had a hot coffee in years”.
- Don’t do your research on the company and then find yourself confusing your research on the company with the latest Paws Patrol episode. They won’t be impressed.
- Don’t get so excited that you are in the company of adults with no children, that you over gesticulate and fall off the chair. Yes, I have done that. Yes, I did get the job though. Must have been a poor choice of candidates.
- Don’t sway when you are in the interview. You aren’t carrying a baby on your hip, you aren’t soothing anyone to sleep. The interviewers will think that you are drunk.
- If you notice that an interviewer has a bit of dirt on their top lip don’t rush over with a hanky and spit to remove it. You are not their mother.
- Do check that you have something to wear to the interview. Your yoghurt drooled covered top is not going to cut it for interview. Also check that the shirt you bought in a panic whilst in M&S with two children who were on a chocolate high, is not see through. That could be awkward *shudders at memory*
- Also when in M&S with crazed children, do not just grab any old pair of high heels from the shelf. Check that they are the right size and that you can actually walk in them. Again, very awkward. *Shudders at memory*
- When waiting to be called in for interview do not be tempted to take a power nap, no matter how quiet it is or how comfortable that sofa looks.
- When in interview don’t forget where you are and shout “look at that, a helicopter” when you see one fly past the window. They are not toddlers, they don’t care.
- When asked to give your employment history don’t start with “once upon a time, there was a stay-at-home mum who was slowly losing her sanity”. This is not a fairy-tale and you are not reading to your kids.
- Don’t offer to pour everyone a drink in the interview, or ask where the low sugar squash is.
- Don’t talk in a sing-song voice – “how are you today my little tired scrumptious scrummy ball of fluff”. You will look mad.
- When you are asked why you would like the job don’t reveal that “my brain is rotting away and I need my life back. Save meeeeeee”. Also, don’t make jokes about you needing to share a lunch break with someone who doesn’t throw their food on the floor, have a wee without an audience and that you want to be able to drink your hot drinks hot.
- Make sure you turn off your phone. You don’t want your interview disturbed by Little Granny sending pictures of Youngest taking a dump on the kitchen floor.
- Check your handbag. You don’t want to get your CV out and find that you have to empty it of Lego, furry cheese, wipes and sticks.
- At the end of the interview don’t refuse to leave. It’s time for you to return to the madhouse now.
Do you have any tips for how not to do an interview?
Wish me luck!