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Island Living 365

How not to vlog

July 3, 2016

 

*I would like to put a disclaimer out at the start of this post. If you are reading this and you know me from my real and day-to-day life then

 

please do not watch the vlog.

 

Don’t do it to yourself. You may never be able to look at me in the eyes again. The shame.*

 

Last weekend I came back from BML and I was all enthused. I had decided that vlogging was where it was at. I was excited to give it a go. However, I had forgotten a few key things –

 

  • If I am going to be on camera then I need to wear make-up. A lot of make-up!

 

  • If I am going to be on camera then I need to sit still. Like really still!

 

  • If I am going to be on camera then I need to be happy with how I look.

 

  • Also I am not a 19-year-old with endless enthusiasm and a line-free face. In my head – yes! In reality – no. *Sobs*

 

I had a go at making my vlog with some grand dreams running through my head. Perhaps now my dream of TV stardom would be realised. Countryfile? Newsnight? CBeebies? Maybe a guest role on Topsy and Tim. Perhaps I could be Topsy and Tim’s new mum. Yes, I know I was getting ahead of myself. I had forgotten about that one time I did audition to be a children’s presenter. Forgotten or wiped it from my memory? All I know is that I ended up in a pub afterwards. I cried into my pint whilst my friends tried to comfort me with words of – “it wasn’t ALL bad” Yes, it was. Flashbacks tell me that I fell on my face, I talked even faster than normal and that I nearly vomited over the director. How not to audition!

 

Despite this I recorded my vlog. It is hideous, awful and just plain terrible. I had vowed never to show anyone. However, that would be against the spirit of my blog. Therefore, I am showing you some of it, a lot of it has been deleted FOREVER. This was the time I tried to vlog. This is my guide –

 

How not to vlog –

 

Firstly, think about the face the freeze frame will show when you upload it. Classic example of the face you don’t pull is below!

 

 

Can I come out from behind my hands now? Cringe. In the original vlog there was even more cringe worthy material. Here are some further points to consider when thinking about HOW NOT TO VLOG!

 

  • Make sure your camera is set up properly. People want to see the top of your head!

 

  • Don’t vlog from the car. People will see you and think you are talking to yourself. Word will get out that you are mad. Yes, my neighbour may have come across me vlogging in the car. What was I thinking?

 

  • Don’t vlog at the end of a long and stressful day. Yes, by the end of the day my face had travelled south. I also had more wrinkles and huge bags under my eyes.  No one wants to see that.

 

  • Don’t vlog in a poorly lit room. This is not mood lighting and you are not at a romantic meal. The audience would probably like to see you.

 

  • Don’t vlog whilst your neighbours are putting their kids to bed. The backdrop sound of screaming kids is not a soothing one.

 

  • Have a general idea about what you are going to talk about.

 

  • Don’t waffle! This is what I did because I didn’t think about the above point.

 

  • Make sure you are clear about why you are vlogging. I know that sounds really obvious but I really wasn’t clear why I was vlogging. I’m still not clear now. However, that is true for nearly everything in my life. I sometimes question why I write this blog. Why we moved to Jersey. Why I walked away from my career. Yes, I’m not sure of anything really and I think that really came across in the horror movie that is my vlog.

 

There you go. This was my how not to vlog guide. I hope that you have found it useful. If you are thinking of doing a vlog my biggest piece of advice would be –

 

“Think about my vlog and do the complete opposite”

 

Do you have any tips that will help me vlog? Please tell me you do in the comments below 🙂

 

In the meantime I may have to leave Jersey.

Related

Filed Under: General, Musings

  1. Bridie By The Sea says

    July 3, 2016 at 7:01 am

    This is brilliant Em, so very funny! I know what you mean about the enthusiasm those 19 year olds have…I still watch my vlogs back and think they must endless energy to pull off the high pitched squealing 😉 I thought you were so natural and it felt like we were just chatting and having a giggle, and absolutely adore your film afterwards – just so beautiful xxx (ps: don’t worry I’m still holding hope for you appearing on CBeebies and replacing Chris Evans on Top Gear – there’s still time).

    • islandliving365 says

      July 7, 2016 at 8:36 pm

      Oh thank you for your really kind comment but you are too kind!

  2. lizzie ( firstooth ) says

    July 3, 2016 at 7:12 am

    My tip is just be you, I love it! Don’t hide behind your hands! Your tips did make me laugh people must think vloggers look crazy but hopefully your neighbour understands? X

    • islandliving365 says

      July 7, 2016 at 8:37 pm

      Haha, I think my neighbour thinks I am nuts anyway…that will be because of the time I fell off the running machine at the gym and he witnessed it all!

  3. Sarah - Mum & Mor says

    July 3, 2016 at 7:13 am

    This is so funny. You’re a joy to watch, Emma. You have more guts than I do, I can’t even stand the sound of my own voice! #TribalLove

    • islandliving365 says

      July 7, 2016 at 8:37 pm

      Oh you are too kind. I can’t stand the sound of my voice either yet I am vlogging!

  4. Fran @ Whinge Whinge Wine says

    July 3, 2016 at 8:25 am

    Oh I’m crying with laughter, I loved it. You should have posted the boobie vlog. Sure it’s just an oversight on Brad Pitt’s side.

    Good luck being a fab radio star.

    Ellie was very interested in the yellow coat and is now asking for juice in a carton so thanks for that.

    Keep up the vlogging. Maybe I’ll have a go and say you inspired me and that really will end badly for you!

    • islandliving365 says

      July 7, 2016 at 8:38 pm

      I apologise about the juice carton. Best not let her watch the next one as that features gin and I would hate for her to want that 😉

      • Fran @ Whinge Whinge Wine says

        July 14, 2016 at 9:11 pm

        I’m back for #fridayfrolics (on a Thursday as I’m a rebel)

        • islandliving365 says

          July 17, 2016 at 7:12 pm

          Haha, thanks 🙂

  5. Jane Taylor says

    July 3, 2016 at 8:27 am

    Aw, I love it. Very funny and natural. Good on you for putting it out there. I like all of your how not to vlog bullet points and the bit at the end with youngest is lovely. So your first vlog is in the bag so just remember all of your ‘notes to self’ about vlogging and you’ll be great.

    • islandliving365 says

      July 7, 2016 at 8:38 pm

      I think in the spirit of my blog, I had to put it out there. Now I am in hiding!

  6. justsayingmum says

    July 3, 2016 at 8:56 am

    yay, yay, yay I am so so thrilled that you did publish this – Emma, it’s brilliant – it’s just so full of you and you’re so natural on camera. You made me cry with laughter at the boobie shot and flaring nostrils – loved all the words on screen (there must be a word for those but can’t think this morning!) – they really made me giggle. Seriously, well done and pleeeeeease do more xx

    • islandliving365 says

      July 7, 2016 at 8:39 pm

      Haha, you are too kind! It is awful but I have not let that deter me! My next one is going live tomorrow – eeeeeeks!

  7. Nyomi says

    July 3, 2016 at 9:24 am

    I think you are being too hard on yourself! Congrats on winning fresh voice!

    • islandliving365 says

      July 7, 2016 at 8:39 pm

      Oh thank you for being so kind 🙂

  8. Pat-white camellias says

    July 3, 2016 at 11:15 am

    I love how much multitasking was going on whilst you were trying to record your vlog! I think the result was great. Funny and real because let’s be honest how many times do we have the chance to do any work completely child free?!? I particularly love that you were not trying to be someone that you are not if that makes sense. Would love to see more X #triballove

    • islandliving365 says

      July 7, 2016 at 8:40 pm

      You are right, it is a very honest vlog. Showing how us mums juggle everything!

  9. islandliving365 says

    July 7, 2016 at 8:40 pm

    Oooh thank you. I will be coming to you for tips then, as an avid vlog watcher 🙂

  10. Sarah says

    July 14, 2016 at 9:50 pm

    Ahahaha! Why are your shoulders up there?! #fridayfrolics

    • islandliving365 says

      July 17, 2016 at 7:13 pm

      I know! Looks like I am poised for attack. 🙂

  11. Nicole - Tales from Mamaville says

    July 14, 2016 at 10:17 pm

    Hahahaha… love this one! Useful points put across in a hilarious way!
    FridayFrolics

    • islandliving365 says

      July 17, 2016 at 7:14 pm

      Haha, thank you 🙂

  12. the frenchie mummy says

    July 14, 2016 at 10:31 pm

    This is priceless! I love the faces you make hahaha. Thanks for sharing, it’s so natural and genuine. Plus I love the bit at the end with your daughter out and about #FridayFrolics

    • islandliving365 says

      July 17, 2016 at 7:14 pm

      Oh thank you :-). That was me trying to put something back into it as I had deleted so much!

  13. Mummy Muckups (Anna) says

    July 14, 2016 at 11:01 pm

    EEEEKKKK!!!! Too funny. I, too, tiptoed into vlogging. Really exposes you; warts and all. You were great; loved your assistant! #FridayFrolics

    • islandliving365 says

      July 17, 2016 at 7:15 pm

      Yes, I never knew the faces that I pull! Really does expose us!

  14. James Hopes says

    July 15, 2016 at 8:02 am

    I really enjoyed that!! Was definitely nowhere near as bad as you sold it as being – enthusiastic voice, came across very natural and you mentioned boobs. Those are the 3 main things I look for in a vlog so you ticked all the boxes #FridayFrolics

    • islandliving365 says

      July 17, 2016 at 7:15 pm

      Great, I am pleased that I ticked all of the boxes 😉

  15. Claire - Life, Love and Dirty Dishes says

    July 15, 2016 at 9:47 am

    I loved it and you look lovely. Although I’m not sure how to break this to you but ummm errr I already have an agreement with Brad. If he ever leaves Angelina, it’s to be with me. Soz. #FridayFrolics

    • islandliving365 says

      July 17, 2016 at 7:16 pm

      What! I don’t think so, Brad is mine 😉

  16. Squirmy Popple says

    July 15, 2016 at 10:15 am

    I love the constant child interruptions! I think your vlog is great – you’re really engaging as a presenter, honestly! No tips from me since I’ve never been brave enough to vlog – I wouldn’t have a clue about how to edit a video, and I’m afraid that my weird Americanish accent would put people off. Better for me to be seen and not heard, I think. #FridayFrolics

    • islandliving365 says

      July 17, 2016 at 7:16 pm

      Oh no, don’t be so harsh on yourself! You should give it a go 🙂 xx

  17. Ellen says

    July 15, 2016 at 10:57 am

    AH I love this so much! Hilarious. Your little girl is so sweet in her yellow raincoat, amazing. I would be awful on a Vlog, I literally hate hearing my own voice and my face moves SO much. Have you noticed that the posher people are the less they move their face?! Haha. I love it and I would like you to do more please! #FridayFrolics

    • islandliving365 says

      July 17, 2016 at 7:17 pm

      Haha, thanks Ellen. I have recorded another one, I am just waiting for the right moment to release it. I am thinking a day when everyone else will be distracted by more important things that are going on in the world 🙂

  18. Alison (MadHouseMum) says

    July 15, 2016 at 12:00 pm

    Until you have tried to vlog, you have NO IDEA how hard it is! I had to do a vt for auditioning for the Island with Bear Grylls – I hasten to say I wasn’t picked, however, it taught me just how hard it is to come across well on screen. On that note – you were fantastic! I honestly mean that. Yes, you did all those things you highlighted to us that we shouldn’t HOWEVER I would say they are easy to improve at. The thing that is difficult to improve on is that natural ability to talk to a camera. To come across as someone we want to watch. To be honest and personable. You were all those things and for that reason you should not be deterred, you should be mighty proud of yourself! Alison x #FridayFrolics

    • islandliving365 says

      July 17, 2016 at 7:18 pm

      Oh wow, thank you for your really lovely comment 🙂 xx

  19. Complicated Gorgeousness says

    July 15, 2016 at 12:51 pm

    Awh I thought it was sweet and was laughing at the hands. I would have to sit on mine. Made me laugh anyway and gorgeous necklace xx #fridayfrolics

    • islandliving365 says

      July 17, 2016 at 7:18 pm

      Aww thanks. Necklace is from Joules 🙂

  20. laura dove says

    July 15, 2016 at 8:05 pm

    This is so funny and I think it should be re-titled, how TO vlog because all vlogs should be this funny!!! I still don’t have the confidence to even give it a go, I hate the sight of myself and more so, the sound of my voice on film. Lovely to see you on film though, it’s funny how you get an idea of what someone is like through reading their blog and then hear them speak and realise you read them in the wrong accent!! #fridayfrolics

    • islandliving365 says

      July 17, 2016 at 7:19 pm

      Oh no! What accent did you have me down as? I have a weird accent due to moving around. A weird mix of Essex, Yorkshire, some Manc (as my husband is one) and Jersey. People always struggle to place my accent 🙂

  21. Davina says

    July 15, 2016 at 10:26 pm

    The fact that you even tried means you’re doing way better than me; I can’t imagine a time when I would ever even attempt to vlog. I really don’t even know what a proper vlog is #fridayfrolics

    • islandliving365 says

      July 17, 2016 at 7:20 pm

      I don’t have a clue what a proper vlog is either! I am hoping that will come to me one day 🙂

  22. Suzanne says

    July 16, 2016 at 7:45 am

    I think this is great. I’ve always harboured ambitions of being kids’ TV presenter but suspect it’s harder than it looks. Plus I just don’t th8nk I’m perky enough. Maybe I’ll try a vl9g one day (maybe). #fridayfrolics

    • islandliving365 says

      July 17, 2016 at 7:20 pm

      Do it, what is the worse that can happen! 🙂

  23. jeremy@thirstydaddy says

    July 16, 2016 at 2:34 pm

    I give anyone a tone of credit who gets in front of a camara or even behind a mircrophone for podcasting. I had to do about 20 takes just to record my answering machine message #fridayfrolics

    • islandliving365 says

      July 17, 2016 at 7:21 pm

      Yes, but recording that answering machine is a tricky thing. You need to get that tone just right. 🙂

  24. DiscomBUBulated says

    July 16, 2016 at 8:54 pm

    I’ll admit, I have never even watched a Vlog let alone tried one. It’s a whole new world to me. I love the written word so I find it intriguing. Thanks for all the tips! An interesting read. #FridayFrolics

    • islandliving365 says

      July 17, 2016 at 7:21 pm

      No problem, thanks for reading!

  25. Lucy at occupation: (m)other says

    July 16, 2016 at 8:55 pm

    This is so funny Emma! I think it’s a great vlog actually, maybe for all the things you say not to do, maybe they are the winning ingredients!
    I do love the text coming up informing us of what not to do, that really made me laugh! Looking forward to see how you’re going to follow this…are you going to vlog again? #FridayFrolics

    • islandliving365 says

      July 17, 2016 at 7:22 pm

      Haha, thanks Lucy. I have made another vlog with a mobile bar….just trying to pluck up the courage to release it 🙂 Thanks for your lovely comment. xx

  26. absolutely prabulous says

    July 21, 2016 at 10:58 pm

    ‘Countryfile’ ‘you are not a romantic meal’ ‘crying into your pint’. ‘Think about my vlog and do the opposite’. Oh my days Mrs Fresh Voice, you are hilarious as always. It’s such a gift.
    But on the bright side, your face only travels south at the END of the day. I start the day with mine in my boots.
    See? Silver lining.
    PS the vlog is actually flipping brilliant and so you and it’s why we all love you x

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Hi, I’m Emma

Mum to two girls and wife to Mr C.
We used to live in wild and wonderful Yorkshire on the edge of the moors. We have now moved to the rather lovely and sunny Jersey, Channel Islands. Read about our adventures here.

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