After reading an article in The Guardian by the brilliant Eva Wiseman, I’ve been thinking about vaginas and glitter and to be frank, I’m worried. I’ve been thinking why on earth some women think that shoving glitter up their vagina is a good thing to do. What does this say about us?
Sex And All That Jazz
Let’s be honest, sex ain’t pretty. It is rarely like the movies. It can be awkward, messy and sweaty. No amount of glitter is going to help hide that. However, could the new phenomenon of vaginas sprouting glitter be reflective of how we treat life in general? Do we have a tendency to sugarcoat life and are sparkling vaginas just another symptom of modern life?
I am Guilty
As a woman, I am guilty of sugarcoating things. My Instagram feed is prettified. You won’t find any photos of me sharing the children’s messy bedroom. The same goes for when I am asked how I am. Even if I have had the day from hell and am feeling mind-numbingly bored, I will still reply with a robotic “good” because I feel that I should. Why do I feel like that? Why do I feel like I can’t be honest, that I can’t share it warts and all? Is this tied up with the complexities of being a woman? Is the fashion for sparkling vaginas and the fact that some women feel that they can’t be honest a symptom of the patriarchal society we live in?
Guilt And Women
I would hazard a guess that in some respects it has to be. Women are often made to feel guilty for expressing themselves. If we complain that we are finding pregnancy hard then society criticises us for not being grateful for being pregnant when so many women struggle to get pregnant. If we are a full-time working mum and complain about the struggle to balance it all then we are reminded of how lucky we are that we have the option of working when our grandmothers didn’t. If we are a stay-at-home mum and complain of the mind-numbing boredom then we are told how ungrateful we are for being able to stay at home. For women it can often feel like a no win. We are damned if we do and damned if we don’t and as a result we find ourselves sugarcoating life. What is the point in being honest if no-one listens anyway?
Is Glitter Ever Feminist?
This need to cover all and sundry with glitter has some arguing that it is a feminist action. It is our choice to shove some “passion dust” up our vagina and potentially give ourselves thrush. Wow, go us! There is also the fashion of covering arm-pit hair with glitter. An apparent rebellion at the expectation that women should shave their arm-pits. Why shave when you can model hairy glitter instead. Then there is the other trend of covering up our roots with glitter. But are these really feminist actions? No. I would argue that glitter, and while we are at it, the obsession with everything unicorn, is a reminder of how some women are becoming infantalised.
What a Glitter Bombing Vagina Really Means
We live in a society where it can be hard for a woman to be taken seriously. Glitter and unicorns are not helping the cause. However, you could argue that the glitter and unicorns is just a woman expressing herself. If it is for herself then that is fine. However, I fear that the glitter bombing vaginas is just another depressing reminder of the pressure women find themselves under. Another thing to shame women about. If we aren’t shoving eggs and wasp nests up our vaginas then we aren’t doing our best for our sex lives. If we aren’t covering our roots and arm-pit hair with glitter then we aren’t being feminine.
Sex is messy, vaginas are messy but the message that is being rammed home (and consequently up there for some women) is that a natural vagina is not attractive. This is turn leads to the idea that a natural woman is not attractive. If we aren’t plucked and preened to within an inch of ourselves then we aren’t attractive – we are letting ourselves go.
My Vagina is Not A Magic Box
Well guess what? Life isn’t always pretty and sex isn’t always pretty. If you are sleeping with someone you love then you don’t care about those vaginal fluids and the same goes for semen. For the record, women fart too and they can stink and we also do poos. No glitter involved. There is nothing magical about my vagina or bottom. When I fart the windows shake and there is not a drop of glitter to be seen.
We are women: we have vaginas. We are sexy. A vagina full of glitter is not. It’s time to stop sprinkling glitter over everything, it’s time to stop sugarcoating life. It’s time to start being honest and to stop hiding under a veil of glitter.
Ladies leave your vaginas alone, set the unicorns free and put the sparkles down.