It seems that everyone on social media is up in arms after a report by MPs found that some businesses are forcing women to wear high heels. Piers Morgan jumped in feet first (see what I did there?) and opened his gob in typical fashion, admitting that he “likes women to wear high heels at work”. Piers, you might like it but it doesn’t mean that it should be forced upon us. I would quite like a naked Ryan Gosling to be sat in my living-room on my pouffe. However, I am pretty sure that if I forced that to happen then I would find myself locked up. If I can recognise that Ryan Gosling naked on my pouffe is my little dirty fantasy then it is about time that Piers and those businesses who insist that women wear high heels to work recognise their dirty fantasies.
Some men find high heels sexy. In Britain we have Queen Elizabeth I to blame (or thank) for this. It’s almost ironic that the virgin Queen is partly responsible for making high heels sexy. The Queen wore them to demonstrate that she was in control of her body; it was her way of asserting authority. The men who fought for her lapped it up and some have been lapping it up ever since. Some even pay a lot of money for women to walk over their naked bodies in high heels. I have a theory (that is almost definitely wrong) that the high heel appeals to a man because they like to be dominated and therefore feel helpless, they want to be told what to do. Some men secretly want to regress back to their childhood and be looked after again. The reality is that they can’t really cope with the responsibilities that have been thrust upon them. We had better watch those men, they might slip in a leash on the next uniform list.
As is the way on social media, all sense of proportion has been lost as has the crucial message. We have just seen women arguing with women. On one side we have ardent feminists shouting “you shouldn’t wear heels, you should feel ashamed of yourself” on the other side we have women saying “but I love heels, they are so pretty and make my legs look longer” I can concur they do make your legs look longer but that is not the point here!
I am going to be the first to admit that sometimes I will wear a heel. SOMETIMES. I very rarely wear high heels for a good reason. They might look lovely but they are torture. They remind me that I am as un-lady like as they come. They do not make me feel sexy, they make me stompy and grumpy. They are not practical. I wore them to a blogging conference last year. Massive heels. By the end of the day my feet had swollen up so much that I feared it would require an operation to remove them from my feet. I spent the whole flipping conference cursing the shoes, stomping about and feeling irate. I hobbled like an old lady. I did not ooze sex, power or elegance. Instead I gave a faint whiff of grumpy cow. However, I had no-one to blame for that day apart from myself. I CHOSE TO WEAR THEM. That is the point. If you like wearing heels then that is brilliant. If you can walk in heels even more respect. Bravo. However, what if you can’t walk in them, what if you find them searingly uncomfortable? What if you then lose your job because you refuse to wear high heels? That is not on.
Wearing high heels doesn’t make you subordinate or less of a feminist if it is your choice! Some women like to wear heels because it makes them feel attractive and for them that equates power. That’s fine because that’s their choice. What we shouldn’t have is that choice being taken away. We shouldn’t have someone else telling us that we need to risk bunions, hip injuries and feet swelling just so we look sexy, sorry, I mean smart. So you see that’s why I am not digging my heels in because I have chosen not to wear heels, I have chosen to wear flats. However, take that choice away from me and I can think of somewhere that I would really like to dig my heels in.
I should finish by adding that it was once fashionable for men to wear high heels. Funny how that one went out of fashion. Perhaps we should think about bringing it back, or in the words of Justin Timberlake, “I’m bringing sexy back”….for the men on their feet.