How A Night Out Is Different Post-Children!

A recent weekend away with friends has made me realise how much my life has changed post-children. More specifically how getting ready for a night out has changed post-children. This is how the next 15 hours in Manchester transpired and how it is all very different post-children.

• Pre-children you would spend the afternoon snoozing in preparation for the night-time shenanigans. Post-children means that on a weekend away, without children, you need to cram in as much adult stuff as possible. This means you frequenting strictly adult places like bars – all of the bars.

• Pre-children, after your nap, you might arrange to meet your friends for a few cheeky beverages, pre-night time fun. Post-children you are sat in the bar without your children having a minor freak out when someone suggests you have a porn star. What kind of person do you think I am? I know we haven’t seen each other in a while but that is not my jazz! Oh you mean a cocktail. That sounds lethal. I’m not sure that is sensible. Should we really be drinking this in the afternoon?

I think that you can see the fear in my face!

• Pre-children you neck your shots. Post-children you suspiciously eye up the shot that came with the drink. Finally, you decide to have a sip it, then you realise that it is a waste of your time so you pour your shot into your cocktail. On sipping cocktail you nearly pass out from the strength of it.

• Pre-children you head to the shops to stock-up for the morning after. This involves flat diet coke and all the Monster Munch. Post-children you head to the shop to buy all of the water for the morning after. You are then put out when you realise the shop has no fizzy water! Oh how you have changed.

• Pre-children you would enjoy the getting ready part. You would spend an hour in the bath followed by an hour in the shower so that you can exfoliate, shave etc. Post-children you grab a shower. You don’t have a bath for fear of falling asleep in the bath. In the shower you battle the urge to have a nap standing up.

• Pre-children you would put the music on very, very loud and generally jump around while getting ready. Post-children you get ready with some music on very, very softly in the background, you don’t jump anywhere, you amble.

You do get excited when you are given a glass of fizz!

• Pre-children you would spend hours drying your hair, followed by straightening. Post-children you stick your head upside down under the hairdryer and hope for the best.

• Pre-children you would try on a million outfits. Post-children you try on your only going-out outfit. Your outfit covers everything and that means you don’t need to shave your legs or worry about wearing spanx. It is also very, very comfortable. Win!

• Pre-children you strut about in your highest heels and you don’t feel the pain. Post-children you put on your highest heels and immediately feel the pain. You look wistfully at the hotel slippers.

• Pre-children you would avoid all garlic in case you get lucky. Post-children getting lucky is not something you have to worry about. In fact, you eat all the garlic to deter any potential “luckies” coming at you.

• Pre-children you would be downing more shots and cocktails ending with “bomb” or “carnage”. Post-children you sip on white wine spritzers whilst continually hydrating.

• Pre-children you could drink the men under the table. Post-children you can feel your hangover kicking in after two glasses of wine.

• Pre-children you would jump on the tables and dance the night away. Post-children you still jump on the tables and dance, but now you remove your high-heels for fear of damaging the table. You then try to explain this to the bouncer when he tells you to put them back on. You also explain it is very much against health and safety legislation and you get annoyed when he doesn’t listen to your very reasonable explanation.

• Pre-children you might spend the evening flirting with some hotties (if pre-Mr C). Post-children you spend all the time in awe of the drag queens. You really want to be able to put make-up on like them and be able to wear outfits like them.

• Pre-children you would stay-up until at least 3am. Post-children you can’t even remember what midnight looks like. You are also worried about what your face will look like if you stay up that long. My face moves south as the day goes on!

• Pre-children you are still dancing away at midnight and feeling great. Post-children and the midnight welcomes your hangover and tiredness. You stumble back to the hotel/home feeling sick and muttering under your breath about being old.

• Pre-children after a night out you would eat a kebab. You would then down milk as you read that it stops a hangover. Post-children you don’t want any food, you just want all of the water.

• Pre-children you would collapse into bed and immediately fall asleep with make-up and clothes on. Post-children you carefully remove all clothes and make-up. You then have a lovely cup of tea while watching T.V

• Pre-children you would sleep all morning and sleep the hangover off. Post-children you wake up at the crack of dawn. Either because the kids have woken you up or just because your body clock now runs on kid time. Gaaaaaah. However, this now means that you now get to make the most of the hotel breakfast. That would not have happened pre-children!

How have your nights out changed post-children?