There is a saying on Jersey
“To stay sane you need to get off the rock”
The reckoning for how long you can stay on the island before you start to lose your marbles is 3 months. I did 5 months this time. 5 months. Why did I do longer than the recommended amount? The main reason is that it can be an expensive business getting off the island, especially when you are limited to school times and weekends. Secondly, I dislike leaving the island because then I have to come back. For me leaving the island reminds me just how much I feel like an outsider on this island.
Why Do I Feel Like An Outsider?
However, feeling like an outsider is completely normal. I would say that everyone at some point in their life has felt like an outsider. Jersey is my time to feel like an outsider. Perhaps this is because I am flailing at life in general. Life seems so open, yet so closed to me too. I have talked about my excitement on the one hand but also the realisation that for as long as I live on Jersey I am probably unemployable. But who cares? I would rather work for myself anyway. Who am I to argue with working from home, wearing PJs and This Morning on the television? Perhaps because working from home can be quite isolating. You can spend a whole day tapping away at the computer not seeing another soul. Working freelance sounds so lovely but actually it can be incredibly draining too. Having no routine can be liberating but also stifling. It means that there is no official off button, no time that you need to make sure you clock off. Before you met with friends and work colleagues for lunch and now you work through. Your email box is never empty, but depressingly most of it is filled with work offers that are highly unsuitable. For every job you secure, you have probably had at least 3 rejections.
It’s Not Jersey, It’s Me
Working from home means that you are in your own little bubble and mixing with others can be a bit of a rude awakening. Finding yourself blanked again on the school run, being run off the road by an idiot in a 4×4 and dealing with a surly checkout person are harder to deal with when you have had no other human interaction all day. So you find yourself burying even further into yourself, putting up a hard shell around yourself and doing everything you can to avoid being made to feel like an outsider. Until you realise that you have withdrawn so far that even making a simple trip to the shop fills you with anxiety.
Embracing Jersey
Living on Jersey has seen me go from a confident(ish) and (mostly) outgoing person, to someone who is just a little bit anxious and feels like an outsider. However, that is completely okay. Yes, I feel like the most socially awkward person living on the rock but that’s who I am for now. At the moment I have so much going on that it is no wonder I am feeling like this. What I do need to get better at is putting myself out there and not caring about what others think. Life is rarely straightforward. Just as you feel like you are floating away without a care in the world, you find yourself being sucked under. That’s life and I for one intend to embrace it with all of my awkwardness.
Goodness, your online presence is obviously very different to your in-your-head one! I feel like booking a flight right now to come over and get you out! Not out of jersey, just out to find ‘your people’. Everyone needs a (non-cyber) support network, a one where you can actually touch someone (not that I’d advise that until at least the fifth rendezvous) and look them in the eye and gauge responses in real-time. I’m sure you have a ton of mates cos you’re lovely but you need to find a real life one on jersry to boost your confidence cos this is not on – you are lovely and you need to feel lovely. And get out more. There. My two penneth, for what it’s worth.
Hahaha, you are lovely, thank you! Do not fear! I may have arranged to go out tonight 🙂
You are on the rock, but not of the rock! Which actually isn’t such a bad thing 😉 You have some absolutely amazing virtual mates though…That Jane is lovely, and she thinks you are awesome and have many skills, many skills. Plus, you’ve walked 48 miles on that island in a DAY!!!! A Day!!! Some of the natives won’t have covered that much of Jersey in their whole lives! Surely that entitles you to some kind of award (even if it’s a little gold plated Jersey Royal or a signed, limited edition Bergerac boxed set (on VHS)).
I reckon those toxic door knobs are holding you back! There’s just no other explanation for it 😉
Oh Emma I had no idea you felt like this. I think living on an island gives you a more physical feeling of an outsider but people can also feel like that in their own villages and towns I guess but we can get out for a while which is easier for us than for you. I know hat I’ve certainly had those feelings about where I live – a bubble that I’d happily leave some days! However, I feel like flying over and having a blogging island take over for a weekend – let’s do it!! Hope you’re ok lovely xx
Thanks for your lovely comment. I’m okay really. Just sometimes I feel like I need to get out and explore somewhere new and that’s a bit tricky at the mo. It will get easier, I’m sure xx