I never thought that I would be a stay at home Mum. I was ambitious and progressing quickly in my career. I was successful. People looked up to me and sought out my opinion.
Now it often feels like no one sees me
but please don’t think that this is me looking for pity. I accept that this is a choice that I made and that if I really wanted to I could probably make myself seen again. But for now I am happy to be invisible.
Being a stay at home Mum is still one that divides the playground and our society. For my generation being a stay at home Mum means that you often feel like you are letting down all the hard-working Mums with jobs. The woman I was before I had our second child. It is a decision that I am judged upon constantly. It is one that makes me want to lie when it comes to filling in the occupation box in legal documents.
But i’m not a prisoner.
I made this choice, willingly. It’s a decision that has caused me to feel isolated and cut off from friends. Friends who don’t understand how I was able to walk away from a flourishing career. Friends who don’t understand how I fill my days. Friends who don’t understand me anymore. I have made a lot of sacrifices for my family but still these are sacrifices that I am very fortunate to be able to make.
This new world that I now live in is exciting, liberating, challenging but also suffocating. Sometimes playing the same game for the 20th time makes my brain want to explode. But this was a choice that I made and I wouldn’t have it any other way but it is also a decision that makes me feel defensive. So why do I put myself through this? Why have I walked away from my career, losing some of my oldest friends in the process and also losing a part of me? Because it was the right decision to make. I will happily continue to battle the banality of everyday, negotiate the tiresome playground politics and continue the never ending cycle of cleaning away the mess.
I will do this everyday because it means that I am here for my children.
Since I gave up work my older child has flourished and that makes every little sacrifice worth it. Now she is secure and confident. Now I take her to school and pick her up from school, now she has me at home to talk to her about her day and to help her with her homework. I’m no longer dashing off because I have work to do or asking her to hold that story until later. Now I’m there for her.
With my youngest I have been there for every first. I am the one she asks her big unanswerable questions to, I am the one she carries her book to asking me to read it and I am the one she calls for when she wakes up in the night. I know from experience that if I was still working long hours it wouldn’t be me that she calls for.
So whilst today I might be missing my old life and feeling alone I need to take a moment. I need to remind myself how lucky and loved I am because at home the two most important people have me at the centre of their world and that is just where I want to be.
I’d be a stay at home if I could, at least until they’re both at school, but we just can’t afford it. I think you made a great choice! #fartglitter
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, I am very lucky as at one time I didn’t think that would ever be a possibility! :-)
LikeLiked by 1 person
I feel lucky that I was able to make this choice too, I know not everyone has this choice financially. Don’t get me wrong it isn’t easy for us, on one wage we can’t afford some of the luxuries I see friends have, or the amazing world travels, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I hate that women judge each other either way, sometimes it feels like we can’t win if we choose career or staying home. But we each have to do what is right for us and our families and live with no regrets knowing we made the best choice we could. Great post xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you. I was really worried about the post that it might be taken the wrong way. I feel very lucky to have been able to make that choice and I agree people shouldn’t judge anyone for the decisions that they make or have to make x
LikeLike
I felt like this for the longest time. I wasn’t maternal in the slightest and was very career focussed and then I had Maxi and when he was ill at 6 months old I couldn’t go back to work. No matter how much I thought I would return, we even paid the months deposit on childcare, when push came to shove my heart was with my child! I hated the first six months. People were so judgemental, telling me I had thrown away a decent career even my Mum who said that she (and others like her) fought sexism so we could go back to work after having children. Now I wouldn’t be anywhere else, My children gain so much more from having me before and after school then I could give them financially by working.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It is really reassuring to read that someone felt the same way and that you haven’t regretted it :-). It is that awful feeling of guilt you have as a Mother that you have when you are working because you worry about being there for your child and you also feel that you aren’t doing your job well enough and then, like you say, if you are lucky enough to be able to walk away from your job you again feel guilty and like you are letting down womenkind. We can’t win and I think we all need to start being kinder to ourselves.
LikeLike
This was a great read. I am a stay at home Mum too and although this was a choice, it was also a necessity as we just could not afford the child care for four children. I love being a stay at home Mum, the same way that others love being a working Mum. I think there is so much judgement at times on these choices, we just do what is right for us as parents?! Thanks for sharing. #fartglitter
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for your lovely comment and for dropping by :-)
LikeLike
If we could afford it my mummy would be a stay at home mum, but for sanity sake she would still have to work freelance as she loves her work. Blogging is a great way to chanel your indivduality and get speaking to other mums. I hope you don’t feel isolated, there is a strong blogging and mummy community online that you can chat to if you need us x #fartglitter xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Awww thank you. Yes, blogging is very much my creative outlet! x
LikeLiked by 1 person
I have been working part time since I went back after having our second and I think it is the perfect compromise for us. But it is unsustainable financially - I will have to go back to teaching full time in September which I am already dreading! But I am grateful for this time that I have been able to share with the children. I know I would find it hard to be a stay at home mum full time though. It is definitely not an easy choice, whatever way you go. Still, you gotta have something to feel guilty about, eh?!
x Alice
#fartglitter
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for your reply :-) Yes, I think us Mums will always find something to feel guilty about!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I work 3 days of the week for financial reasons but would love to be a stay at home mum. I also thought I would be a full time working mum, but everything changed when I had my boy. You look at the world a little differently don’t you
#twinklytuesday xx
LikeLike
Yes you do. You never think you will change but then they come along and your priorities change. Thanks for dropping by xx
LikeLike
Such a heartfelt post and when I first became a SAHM I felt the very same way. Now I know that I made the best choice and I am so happy to be a SAHM! #TwinklyTuesday
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, I have made the right choice without a doubt and I feel very lucky that I was able to make that choice :-) x
LikeLiked by 1 person
Each family has to make the choices that work for them and their circumstances. Rev T stayed at home with the Tubblet because I earned the most. When she was older he retrained. We considered ourselves lucky to be able to do that. We knew other friends who wanted to do the same and simply couldn’t.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, it is very important that each family is able to make the choice that works for them and I am very fortunate to be able to make that choice with second as there wasn’t the option of making that choice with my oldest child. Thanks for your comment x
LikeLike
I have been a stay at home Mum since my daughter was born (she’s 2 now). Sometimes I find myself feeling really defensive about it for some reason - I suppose I want people to know that I’m not just sat at home allowing my brain to rot away, but I’m doing something I feel passionate about … I respect everybody’s choices, and I really hate how women are made to feel bad whatever choice they make! Thanks for the post #twinklytuesday
LikeLiked by 1 person
I was a working mum when I had my first daughter 18 years ago and it was hard physically and emotionally. Everything was rush, rush, rush and I felt like I never saw her. Now I have two more kids age 4 and 2 and I gave up work 2 years ago. For me it was the best thing I ever did. No more rushing around and I can give my kids much more of my time. Once that ate both in school I hope to be able to work school hours only so that I can be the one who drops them off and picks them up and spends time with them and cooks their dinner etc. Being a working mum can be a real struggle and I really do take my hat off to those who manage to do it but right now it’s not for me.
Visiting from #BloggersClubUK
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, I need to remind myself how I was always rushing when I was working Mum and how I used to leave before my child got up and then I would get home just in time for bed time and I spent the whole time feeling awful! Thanks for your comment :-)
LikeLiked by 1 person