I am living with a threenager. This is no joke. My threenager doesn’t do jokes, in fact jokes just make her angry. I spend my days anticpating anything that could cause her upset. I spend my days tiptoeing around her for fear that the slightest thing might cause her to explode. Some days this works, lots of days it doesn’t. What works one day won’t work the next day. You can’t fool the threenager.
Classic behaviours of a threenager;
- The threenager has high standards. She expects her every meal to be of michelin starred standard in that you will cater to her every whim. Those doughballs she loved yesterday are disgusting today. Yesterday she insisted on her cucumber being cut into sticks but today how dare you cut them into sticks, even though that is what she
demandedasked for 5 minutes ago. And how dare you put milk on her cereal, who actually has milk on their cereal? Threenager likes to eat her cereal dry at all times of the day. Yes, it is perfectly acceptable for threenager to wake up in the middle of the night for a bowl of dry cereal.
- The threenager expects her sister to be her breakfast companion, always. It simply is not acceptable that sister might be trying to get ready for school. No, sister must be having breakfast with threenager so that they can discuss pressing current affairs like if you had to have a pet would it be Jess the Cat from Postman Pat or Duggee the Dog. Sister is too afraid to answer for fear she might say the wrong animal and enrage the threenager.
- The threenager likes to choose her own clothes. The threenager likes to take an individual approach to her clothes. The threenager will make brave fashion choices. Whilst to the rest of us Winter means wearing a coat this is not the case for threenager. No, threenager likes to prove her independence by wearing t-shirts, coats are for wusses.
- Threenager is invincible. Threenager thinks she can break convential fashion rules. Threenager will wear her princess dress with welly boots over her jeans and top, for three days straight because, well, she is a threenager. Threenager will wear her sisters flip flops in the rain because why not?
- Threenager is also able to demand numerous dress changes during the day. Because threenager has to look her best at all times, she never knows when company might drop in.
- Threenager is too important to walk on the school run. No, you will carry threenager as well as threenager’s coat (which she is refusing to wear), threenager’s teddybear collection, sister’s bag, sister’s lunchbox, sister’s water bottle, sister’s snack. You are not permitted to put threenager down for a second, even if you think that your arms are going to drop off. No, drop everything else but ALWAYS keep hold of threenager.
- Threenager will not tolerate you going into the classroom with sister. No threenager will not tolerate mixing with 6 year olds, they are old news. Everyone knows it’s about the three year olds.
- Threenager likes to hide all the time at the most inappropiate times. Threenager’s normal choice of hiding place is behind a door which she likes to leap out from behind whilst shouting boo. If this doesn’t cause a near heart attack then threenager will not be satisfied. Threenager also hates shopping and likes to demonstrate this by hiding in the shop and again scaring Mummy.
- Threenager is so important that she refers to herself in the third person - “no threenager would not like to go to sleep” and “threenager would like a biscuit now”. Oh and a personal favourite of threenager is “threenager is very disappointed with Mummy” this is usually after I have refused trip to cafe (see below) or another biscuit or the umpteenth bowl of cereal.
- Threenager is a lady that lunches in every single food establishment that you go past, regardless of when she last ate. Threenager is never full-up.
- Threenager has very clear expectations in that you will do exactly what she demands, straight away.
- Threenager does not tidy up, no threenager finds tidying away “boring”.
- Threenager believes that everything is “mine” this includes Daddy’s phone, sister’s bed (especially when sister is trying to sleep) and Mummy’s computer.
- Threenager is entitled to express her opinions very loudly whilst lying on her back, normally in the chocolate aisle of Waitrose or in the middle of a very busy street.
The threenager is a force to be reckoned with but threenager is also still my lovely daughter who can normally be brought out of a threenager attack by playing music and dancing. Another cure that sometimes works would make David Cameron proud, (don’t let this deter you) is the hug a hoody but instead of hugging a hoody i’m hugging my threenager.
But on the days that nothing works you can find me at the bottom of a glass of wine. Cheers!
Do you recognise any of the classic threenager signs? Do you have a threenager in your house?
My daughter is 5. But I can relate with everything you’ve mentioned above. She’s also into make-up! I blame my sister who gave her a Monster High make-up box set. I love make-up, she says. I remind her she’s only 5. Then I say, “Do you see mummy wear make-up?” No. End of story ;) #bloggerclubuk
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Haha, that sounds familiar too. Oldest who is 6 was bought make-up, I had to sneak it into the bin eventually!
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Mine’s 2 1/2 but already a threenager, lol!
We also do bowls of dry cereal (have to check each morning if milk is required!). Her latest thing is to have a combination of 3 or 4 cereals all in the same bowl.
The best comment of late: “I can’t carry everything, Mummy” as she deposits Mr Mouse, Monkey, bag, cup, jacket, onto my one spare finger that isn’t already trying to grapple with squirmy 6 month old, nappy bag, and car/house keys!
#coolmumclub
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haha, yes we must realise that our expectations are far too high and how can they be expected to carry anything when we are there to do it for them :-)
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oh so very funny - love the way you write - lets hope she’s got her threenager well and truly out of the way before her delightful teenage years hit! #Coolmumclub
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I really hope so too otherwise I may be in for a rough ride :-)
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I most definitely DO have a threenager in the house! My post http://sarahandlouisemumstheword.com/2016/01/17/my-socks-are-wonky-and-other-epic-meltdowns/ is a little sample of the daily delights in our household! Lovely to read other mums are going through the same ridiculousness. And thank goodness for wine! x
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haha, I will have to check your post out too :-) x
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Oh God this is my son all over. He is 4 next month and drives me crazy. My threenager does love his coat though but goes insane if you leave a popper undone or leave his hood down. Even in the summer. Oh the joys!
#coolmumclub
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Argh - there is no way of winning is there! Good job we love them :-) x
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Oh God we are almost at this stage and I am NOT looking forward to it. I feel a whole plethora of blog posts on the subject coming up! Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub lovely x
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My only advice is to be prepared for the threenager stage. A cellar full of wine should do it ;-) x
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Scutch up please lovely. Fellow threenager mummy in need of company at the bottom of that glass of wine… My threenager likes cheese. My threenager likes toast. DO NOT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PUT THE CHEESE ON THE TOAST OR HOLY HELL WILL BE UNLEASHED!!! *sobs and licks wounds*
Brilliant post x
#coolmumclub
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haha, what a rookie mistake ;-) Everyone knows that cereal and milk don’t go together just like cheese and toast don’t go together. Clear as mud, right?
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I know. I should have known better. I blame myself… ;)
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Haha - I love this! NG is 2 and a half so good to know what might be in store. Love the post :) #fridayfrolics
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Thanks :-) x
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My little one is nearly two, but I can so relate having gone through all this with the big one. He still insists on choosing his clothes now. Some days I need sunglasses to look at him! Thanks for linking up to #FridayFrolics
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Haha, well at least you can get away with clashing bright colours as a kid :-)
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I love the photo of her hiding amongst the clothes - such cunning at such an early age! I suppose you’re only 3 once so go for it, however it is highly frustrating! My girl spent her third year being Snow White, she referred to herself in the third person and I had to ask Snow White if she’s mind asking my daughter to come for lunch. Sometimes the answer was “No” - where do you go from there?! Very funny post
xx
#FridayFrolics
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That is so funny that she insisted on being called Snow White. You will have to remind her of that when she is older :-) x
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Oh dear, my daughter is almost 2 and is already so independent, her catchphrase is “I do it!”. I’m really nervous about what the threenage stage will bring us! I’ll start stocking up on the wine now! x #TheList
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haha, good luck! I’m sure you will be fine :-) x
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Mine is just approaching 3 and already I can empathise lol. Especially with having to carry them. What’s that all about? #fridayfrolics
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Well why walk when you have your very own person carrier. I now have big biceps on one arm, I need to remember to try and carry her on the otherside too! :-)
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Haha So funny! I have one just entering the fourever whinging phase but my daughter is still very much a threenager so I can totally relate to this!
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Glad you liked it :-)
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Do I recognise this child? Yes I do, are you sure she isn’t mine? you captured this fabulous and not annoying at all, stage, perfectly. xx
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haha, thanks for your lovely comment :-)
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Eeek this sounds like a challenging phase! I’m struggling enough with the fear of the terrible twos. My 15 month old is quite loud and stubborn so I think I have my work cut out of me for the next 17 years (maybe longer). Best of luck with your threenager and keep finding the comedy in it :)
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Thanks, you never know you may skip the terrible twos :-)
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