16 Signs That You Are No Longer A Cool Cat – Miaow

We all remember when we were young and cool. Okay, I was never cool but you get the gist. When I now hear teenagers talking, it’s like they are talking in a foreign language. It sounds alien to me. When did this happen? Do I blame the children? I’m pretty sure that I was a little bit with it pre-children, have the children sucked the only tiny cool gene I had? Either way, I need to hold my hands-up and admit that I am getting old. Are you getting old? Are you no longer cool? Here are the signs you should be looking for.

16 Signs You Are No Longer Hippity-Hoppity But You Are Tragic.

• You try to act cool by making up words like hippity-hoppity, when really you should just give-up, put your slippers on and start smoking a pipe. You know you are old when you don’t understand the language of the youth. Recently Mr C was sent a text in error in which the person was invited for pres. “What the f*ck is pres?” we asked ourselves. We laughed at how ridiculous the person was who had sent the text for making up stupid words. Then a couple of days later I was invited for pres and I realised that I was the stupid one! It turns out that pres means pre-drinks. We no longer go out and drink, no, we drink at home until 11pm and then we go out. I’m ready for my bed at 11pm, the last thing I want to be doing is going out at that time.

• When your rock idol (Josh Homme) is reading the c-beebies bedtime story. He’s a rock star! Rock stars don’t do that shizzle (yes, I say shizzle, another sign I am not cool), he should be diving off a stage or trashing a hotel room. But no, he’s reading a c-beebies bedtime story.

• When you go out you need the whole week to recover. Back in the day a hang-over could have been tackled with cheesy chips and hair of the dog. Now you are required to spend the whole weekend in a darkened room, whispering “I’m dying, I’m dying.”

• When the clothes from your childhood are classed as “vintage”.

• You can remember when Tom Cruise was fanciable. I’m talking Top Gun era (before he found scientology and became strange).

•  You swear that it was only yesterday when you finished university. You sit down and work it out and start weeping into your coffee.

• You remember when there were only 5 channels. When you tell your children this they pat you on the head and whisper to each other about how old you are.

•  You remember when having a Viennetta or an Arctic Roll for pudding was a special treat. Now your children expect a crème brûlée.

• You also remember when you could eat a pop tart for breakfast, chips for lunch and turkey twizzlers and more chips for dinner and no one batted an eyelid.

• You tell your children that old cliché, the school days are the best days of your life, make the most of them. Although, really you know that is a LIE. You swore you would never lie to your children. You have become part of the parental conspiracy.

• You remember when people used to wear watches instead of checking their phones.

• You remember life pre mobiles!

• You lament how the music charts are no longer the same. How in the good old days you would buy a single for 99p from Our Price.

• You try and avoid looking in a mirror at all costs. You now refer to make-up as your war paint.

• You don’t understand Snapchat but love Instastories

•  You remember how you used to feel so cool when you wore a shell suit.

We are cool though really, aren’t we? Can you think of any you would add?