9 problems that only a fake blonde would understand

9 problems that only a fake blonde would understand. Why am I waffling on about this? Let me share a secret (not a very well kept secret as it’s blinking obvious) I’m a fake blonde. I get my hair dyed at the hairdressers because my natural hair colour is brunette and to be honest it doesn’t sit right on my head. It makes me look pale and washed out. I got fed-up of being asked if I was feeling okay, I got fed-up of being told that I looked pale and I became a blonde. However, this has thrown up a whole host of problems. I appear to have gone even darker under the bleach and my roots are now coming through at a great rate of knots. 2 weeks post hair dye and I have roots blacker than the night sky. What am I to do? Is it time to embrace my dark side? Maybe, but in the meantime I thought that I would share my problems. Call this my bleach therapy. I’m Emma and I dye my hair blonde.

9 problems that only a fake blonde would understand

• It’s so expensive being a fake blonde. You can’t afford it. Your children are going without food and clothes (not really but you get the gist) just so you can get your roots done. If you tally up how much you have spent on bleach it makes you cry for the mansion you could have bought.

• It’s so boring. You spend ages sitting in that hairdresser’s chair waiting for the bleach to be applied, and making small talk with the hairdresser. On the plus side you aren’t having to shout at your children and you get to drink coffee and eat biscuits. Winning.

• Roots. They are always there. Even when I have just spent a fortune on getting them covered up they are still there.

• Poor condition. Your poor hair has been so frazzled by the constant bleaching that some days you look like you stuck your finger in a plug socket.

• The children tell you that you have stripey hair at the back of your head. They then decide to call you zebra instead of mummy. Oh the hours of fun that they have with this. Especially in public.

• You have to wash your hair every day because blonde hair looks dirtier quicker. Luckily I have discovered dry shampoo. Life changing.

• Because you choose to dye your hair blonde some people will assume that you are an airhead. Admittedly this isn’t helped by the fact that I struggle to remember the most basic of information most days.

• When Youngest comes home from nursery with a picture of you and she has given you really (I mean vivid) yellow hair because “that’s the colour of your hair mummy!” Better than the time she drew you with green hair. Just the lovely reminder you wanted of that incident.

• You actually hate being blonde. You feel that it doesn’t suit your personality. You want to be like Audrey Hepburn, a glamorous, elegant lady. The reality is that brunette makes you look like Casper the ghost. Argh.

Is it time to pack away the bleach? Should I embrace my natural colour before my hair falls out? Should I dabble in a different colour? Red, pink or blue? Hmm. I am undecided but I am fast falling out of love with dirty blonde hair.