How YOUR birthday is no longer YOUR birthday when you have children

Last weekend I celebrated my birthday. 21 again peeps. I am going to be rocking that age until I am into my 70s. Yes, age is only a number but I have a husband who likes to tease me on a daily basis about the fact that I am very much into my thirties. I refuse to accept it *sobs into tissues*. I do accept it really as my twenties were car crash so I much prefer my thirties. Anyway, I am waffling and believe me there is a point to this post. I have been thinking about how MY birthday is very different now that I have children:

• Pre-children a birthday meant that you had a lovely long lie-in. Post-children your birthday means that you are woken up by two children jumping up and down on your bed screeching “HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY”.

• Pre-children you would have a leisurely soak in the bath before breakfast. Post-children you rush a shower while your children bang on the cubicle demanding that you hurry up as they want to open YOUR presents.

• Pre-children you would have a pile of impractical presents – presents that you requested. Post-children you have a measly pile of very sensible presents. This is your fault as you forgot about your rapidly approaching birthday and besides you now rather like sensible presents.

• Pre-children you would take your time opening your presents, savouring the experience, dragging it out. Post-children you turn round to take a sip of your coffee and turn back to find your children have opened all of your presents.

• Pre-children you would have a leisurely lunch in a swanky wine bar. Post-children you find an establishment for the children. You settle on a pub with soft-play. You then wince at the price of food. As a result, the children eat whilst you share a packet of crisps with Mr C. It’s ok though because you didn’t really fancy any of the beige food on offer.

• Pre-children you would go for a romantic stroll somewhere. Post-children you realise that soft-play has not tired the children out. You then take them to the beach for a mammoth walk. This does not tire them out either and the children declare they are hungry again. You still haven’t eaten since breakfast.

• Pre-children you would go out somewhere flash for dinner. Post-children you let the children choose your birthday tea. This means you end up eating crackers and cheese in front of the T.V.

• Pre-children you might treat yourself to a beautiful chocolate cake. Post-children you have a cake that the children chose. You don’t know whether you should be offended by the fact they have chosen a cake that is a pig.

• Pre-children you would be counting down until you can get your glam clothes on and go out. Post-children you are counting down until your children are in bed and therefore you can get into your PJs.

• Pre-children you would paaaaaaaaarty hard and possibly fall asleep in the nightclub toilets, with a lipstick penis drawn on your forehead (oh, just me then?) Post-children you fall asleep on the sofa and wake-up to find that your kids have covered you in Teletubbies stickers.

• Pre-children you find yourself in the kitchen in the early hours of the morning talking deep and meaningful “stuff” whilst stuffing toast into your mouth. Post-children you find yourself in the kitchen in the early hours of the morning with a threenager who wants to talk deep and meaningful “stuff” about Paw Patrol. Such as, why does Skye have no gadgets? Is it because she is female dog? I don’t know Youngest, just let me eat my toast in peace.

• Pre-children you lied about your age and people tactfully pretended to believe that you were 21 again. Post-children and your kids inform you that “you can’t be 21 as you look 70”. Thanks.

Can you think of any ways your birthday has changed since having children?

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