I live on Jersey, an island that is 9 miles by 5 miles. An island that is relatively safe yet I wouldn’t choose to go out alone at night. I am not sure why I feel like I can’t go out alone. When I was a student in Sheffield I was mugged in a phone box in broad daylight on a busy street. When I lived in Leeds I was walking home one night when a man asked me to get in his car with him. Apparently, he thought I was a prostitute. I would like to point out that I was wearing a very modest business suit.
I wonder if it is these events that have made me nervous. Yet I can’t really blame those two incidents. I was once hit over the head by a student but it didn’t make me scared of teaching and I had an abusive ex-boyfriend but it didn’t put me off men. It feels so hypocritical being afraid of walking home alone at night because I like to think that I am strong independent woman. Why am I so fearful of a street at night?
There was a time where I was once fearless and now I look back and I wonder if I was even a bit reckless. Once my friend and I got into an unlicensed cab in London. We were then outraged when the taxi driver started making inappropriate remarks and slapped my friend on the bottom when we left the taxi. Sometimes I wish I could be more like that girl again, the girl in her early twenties who was confident, cocky and unafraid of anything or anyone.
Age and children have made me more fearful. I have been changed by the constant news stories that detail women being attacked at night. Their stories have seeped into my skin and become a part of me. Now walking alone at night is an activity that is fraught with danger. I imagine potential attackers lurking everywhere, behind bins, leaping around street corners and dragging me down alley ways. Does this make me sexist? Or am I just aware of the inequality of our society? We all know that women are more vulnerable compared to men. We all know that it is a woman who is more likely to be the victim of a sex crime and it is a woman who is more likely to become the victim of an abusive relationship.
I’m not sure what the answer is. We should live in a society where we feel that we can walk alone at night but sadly this isn’t the case. Only last month Manchester police issued a warning to women, urging them not to walk home alone because there had been a string of sex attacks. However, women aren’t the only ones who should be afraid of walking home in the dark. I had a rather timely reminder of that this week, a leaflet pushed through my door about Adrian Lynch. Adrian went missing on December 5th in the early hours of the morning. He was walking home after a work night out. We are now in April and despite this being a very small island there has been no sign of him. Nothing to indicate what happened to him. It is a desperately sad situation. He is a son, brother, friend and now a missing person.
The reality is that no matter who we are we need to think twice about walking alone at night. That doesn’t make me a hypocrite it makes me a realist.
Do you feel comfortable walking on your own at night?
I’m exactly the same – I think, regardless of the risk, it’s just sensible not to walk alone at night – or too early in the morning even. It just isn’t worth it. Those news stories remain with me too and now I’m a mum I’m even more fearful for my kids. I want them to be brave but also safe x x
Yes, I think it is something about having children that just makes us more aware of danger and fearful but like you say we still want our children to be brave! It’s a tricky one. x
I can completely relate, I do think that in some way your experience of being mugged (so sorry to hear that) and your abusive ex (I’ve been there, I get it) will have some bearing on your feelings of being out of control at night and what may or may not happen. I actually think it’s very sensible to be afraid of walking alone at night; I am sure statistically more sinister attacks happen under the cover of darkness and there are fewer people around to act as witness, or deterrent, so opportunist criminals feel safer (for want of a better word) committing crime at night.
There was also a time when I was afraid of no one and would give them a piece of my mind, however, I would be far more cautious now, I think being a mum has a lot to do with that also.
Thanks for writing such a thought-provoking piece xx
I had never thought about linking it to feeling out of control but now that you have written that I can see that might be it too. Thanks for pointing that out 🙂 Yes, I do think that having children has a major part to play too, it just makes you more aware of all the dangers out there and you worry about there safety too. I think having children just makes us a lot more sensible, something my younger self would have been dismayed about 🙂 x
Yes but I think it is sensible that we are scared. We shouldn’t have to be but we do need to be wary about making ourselves vulnerable. On the odd occasion that I have had to walk home at night alone, I run all the way, with Mr C on the other end of the mobile. It’s nuts really.
Thanks for sharing this. Sorry to hear about your negative experiences. I am comfortable walking at night if there are people around otherwise I get the bus/taxi. If I think about all my late nights walking home alone down empty streets when I was in my early 20s, I shudder as anything could have happened. I do think news stories can scare us and make us more fearful but I have definitely become more anxious in many ways since becoming a mother. For example, the recent attacks in the world have made me really worried about travelling. I guess we need to find a balance, feeling safe but not being so fearful that it’s holding us back in life. Polly x #fabfridaypost
I completely get where you are coming from regards attacks in the worlds. It really does make you fearful. I can get quite worried whenever we have to leave our little island, which is silly really as we can’t live our lives like that. Thanks for your comment x
I never walk alone at night, even though we live in a lovely village, very low crime rate, and it is a relatively safe part of the country. I’m very anxious and worry far too much so for me, I worry even in the day light!! #FabFridayPostLinky
It’s a difficult question. Our local newspaper is often filled with stories of random unprovoked attacks at all times of the day but night is when the really nasty, alcohol fuelled violence comes out. Cheap booze, macho bullshit and sub-Eastenders / mockney pride make for a toxic mix.
I work on the basis that any potential thief probably has a better phone than I have and my age falls out of the danger bracket making me more or less invisible.
#FabFridayPost
Yes, I think we just need to be aware of the danger we may be putting ourselves in and take precautions. Like not walking around with headphones in or waving our phones around.
I used to be that confident girl too, but now I am extra vigilant especially when walking around with children during the day time. I’m so sorry for what happened to you in Manchester and Leeds. I have never experienced anything like this before. I wouldn’t even know how to react if that occurs to me. I hope it doesn’t. I don’t think you are being racist at all. I think we all needs to be extra vigilant. You can never be too careful. I hope Adrian is found soon. Thank you for linking up with us again on #Fabfridaypost
Thanks for the comment. I think I worry that I am being sexist as I worry that as a woman that I will fall victim to a crime but that is probably my past experiences coming into play.
I think it is just us being more aware of the world we live in. I will always jump in my car to avoid walking in the dark. Thanks for your comment 🙂
Thanks for your comment. Let’s hope it does get better and our children live in a safer world. Sadly, I don’t think this will be the case though.