
The other day I was in Costa Coffee with Youngest. I was demonstrating my excellence at multi-tasking. Sipping coffee whilst simultaneously giving Youngest her drink; helping her stick her stickers into her magazine, playing with her zoo animals whilst sporadically checking twitter and keeping an eye on the time so that we didn’t end up getting a car ticket.
Now it is quite a lovely Costa Coffee in a rather pretty and well to do part of the island. Although every time I go it never seems over busy, there is always the same lady sat in the window, typing on her laptop. I always want to ask her what she is doing, perhaps she is a bestselling author or maybe she is just updating her Facebook status –
“sat in Costa Coffee, peace now shattered by child and her crazy mother”.
However, it does irk a little because the lady in question has always nabbed the best table in the cafe, right in the window where you can watch the world go by and the watch the boats bobbing in the harbour. Well this week the lady wasn’t on her own because a man turned up too and he got out a matching laptop. I found this incredibly exciting. You will have to excuse me but my life is quite sedate nowadays. They were sat on the same table but didn’t communicate as they were too enraptured with what was going on their respective screens. I found myself momentarily distracted as I tried to fathom out what their relationship was and what the man was doing on his computer, I could just make out his computer screen so I was trying to have a nosy without them realising. Youngest took this as her opportunity and on looking at my daughter I shouted the words
“take that tiger’s tale out of your nose”.
The very quiet coffee shop became quieter still as a tumbleweed rolled past and now laptop couple had noticed me so there was no more chance of having a nosy. I then realised that I had uttered a sentence that I never have thought I would have the need to say, ever. It then got me thinking about the sentences I have said in the past that I never thought I would say but have now said since having children.
Out of the mouth of parents
- “We are having a Dora detox. I can’t take anymore.”
- “I don’t think we should have another child, I think we should get a dog instead. At least we can put the dog outside”
- “I had a lie-in this morning, the kids didn’t wake me up until 7am”
- “Stop playing with Woody now, it’s time to go to sleep”
- “Let’s have an early night and go to SLEEP!”
- “I’m not a climbing frame”
- “Just make the madness stop”
- “Stop hitting your sister over the head with Buzz Lightyear”
- “No I do not want to come upstairs and look at your poo”
- “Licking your hands does not count as washing them”
- “It is not hygienic to eat crisps whilst sat on the toilet”
- “Can you stop getting your bottom out in the supermarket”
- “People don’t like it when you bite the end of carrots and put them back on the supermarket shelf. It’s not polite.”
- “You have had enough olives” I know very middle-class.
- “You have done more than enough homework, why don’t you watch some t.v”
- “that is a BELLY BUTTON, not your BOTTOM”
- “it’s called a SEAT BELT not a FOOF BELT”
- “Stop sucking on your toes”
- When we are in the bath we don’t drink the water”
- “Stop licking the biscuit and just eat it before I lose the will to live”
- “Don’t wipe your nose on the clothes. We are in a clothes shop and that lady over there might want to buy them”
- “I think Topsy and Tim are evil and their Mum is some shebot”
So there you go. The list is endless but I felt that I should stop there. I think 22 just about nails my point for now…. or that is what I thought. Since writing this list I have found out that I have been shortlisted for Fresh Voice in the 2016 BiBs. So the 23rd third thing I never thought I would say is –
I have been shortlisted!
I am completely blown away and so excited!! Well done to everyone that has made the shortlist and thank you for voting for me. I would love it if you would now vote for me again which you can do here britmums.com (just click on the link). You can only vote for me in the Fresh Voice category. Also if you vote for me more than once then the votes will be disqualified. Thanks 🙂
I will try to write something that makes more sense when I have calmed down but in the meantime I need to do the school run and calm down. Thank you! 🙂 🙂 🙂
What little gems do you find yourself saying?
Congratulations!!!!!! I am so excited for you, and my vote is a given and I hope you win!
Great article. I particularly related to the “I had a lie-in this morning, the kids didn’t wake me up until 7am” 😉
Mine would be ‘Do you want some Quavers?’ ‘Can I just have a wee in peace?’ ‘Have you ran out of words yet?’ ‘I think youngest is faulty, the volume control is broken or something.’
Haha I love the last one!! I am going to use that 😉 xx
So funny! You had me properly laughing at a few of these, so many of them sound all too familiar! And big congratulations on the BiBs! x #TheList
Thank you very much 🙂 x
Hahaha great post. So many phrases are so familiar. And big big congratulations on the shortlist. All the best.
Thank you so much xxx
Hahaha congratulations my lovely! Very well deserved! I love the comments, and scarily have said a few myself….The other day in the shop I got laughed at for shouting Iron man does not eat grapes before paying for them! (He was dressed up as Iron man.x
Iron man eating grapes made me howl with laughter. Thank you!! 🙂 xx
Ahaha this made me laugh. It’s so true, there’s so many things I say now that are slightly absurd. We talk about poo a lot!!
Huge congratulations on the shortlist, I have voted of course.
Aren’t they bonkers the things we come out with nowadays! Thank you so much for congratulations – still can’t quite believe it! 🙂 xxx
Thank you so much lovely! I love that your children help each with their bogies, very good sharing skill! 😉 xx
Fantastic news! And Congratulations! I have just voted for you. Well deserves! I love your post too. It is too hilarious! So many good lines, especially “You have done more than enough homework, why don’t you watch some t.v” lol! Seriously good!
Thank you so much for linking up with us on #FabFridayPost 🙂 xx
Oh thank you so much!!!! You have made my day. And yes can you believe I actually have to tell my 6 year old to step away from the books! 🙂 xx
Congrats on being shortlisted! You have my vote. 🙂
I love these, especially “You have had enough olives.” It reminds me of what I said to my daughter today: “Please eat some more of your kale pesto.” Yup – I actually tried to feed my baby kale pesto. I think she probably would have preferred Ella’s Kitchen. That’s what I get for trying to be middle class with my food.
Yay. Thank you lovely!!! And thanks for your comment – kale pesto made me laugh a lot!! We should probably meet up in the hummus aisle next time we do our weekly food shop in waitrose . What do you think? 😉
Firstly, congratulations!!!! ridiculously exciting! Love the way it is number 23 – make it number 1! very funny post – I can add “oh poppet haven’t you done enough revision (for GCSEs!!!) – come downstairs and have a coffee and a chat” “Oh can’y wait till you are old enough and we can sit and have a glass of wine together ” so wrong but securely true! It goes without saying that you have my vote lovely x
Oh thank you so much!!!! And I love the things you say, especially the wine one which isn’t true ….yet 🙂 x
Congratulations!! I hope you’ve got your ticket to #BML16 now? Ha I said the climbing frame one just today, also Clem has a pair of toy walkie talkies with aerials which she likes to put her nose so I told her to not do that the other day as well. x #fabfridaypost
Argh you have just reminded me to go and sort the ticket out! Isn’t it bonkers the things those crazy kids have us saying 😉 x
Take that tiget out of your nose. These were great. I often say stuff in a sleep derived state that doesn’t make sense. I can’t quite remeber any off the top of my head as I am in need of sleep. Very funny though. I voted for you!!! #FridayFrolics
Oh thank you lovely!! That is very kind of you to vote for me. I hope you mananaged to get some sleep 🙂 xxx
Ha! I’ve also trotted out the line “I’m not a climbing frame” on many occasion. I thought that one was just me. #FabFridayPost
Yep the climbing frame is the most frequent one I trot out!
Hurray, you’re a finalist!! Hurray, hurray, hurray (and did I say ‘hurray’?) Love these – I think I’ve said all but the olives one because NG hates them (not, I’m afraid, because we aren’t middle class). See you at BiBs for some beer and prosecco. #fortheloveofBLOG
Yaay to beer and prosecco! It is good that NG does not like olives as Oldest is always pinching mine from the fridge! I never get a look in nowadays!
Brilliant! Love all of these – especially the “take that tiger’s tail out of your nose!” – isn’t it funny the things we find ourselves saying that we never imagined. “I’m not a climbing frame” and “when we are in the bath, we don’t drink the water” are two that are very familiar to me and I have to confess I agree with you on the Topsy and Tim front! 🙂
Congratulations on the shortlisting too (clicked post comment too early!) – you have my vote and I hope you manage to make it to the finals! 🙂
Thank you lovely lady! That means so much to me 🙂 And yes what is about Topsy and Tim?
YAY! Many congratulations on being shortlisted. You totally deserve it and I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you.
This post is brilliant and it could almost have been written by me (not as brilliantly and funny obviously).
“I’m not a climbing frame”,When we are in the bath we don’t drink the water” and “Don’t wipe your nose on the clothes. We are in a clothes shop and that lady over there might want to buy them” are the most used at the moment. I mean, HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY THE SAME THING? Forever apparently.
#TheList
Haha, yep forever and ever and ever! I think I probably say some of them in my sleep 🙂 Thanks for your lovely comment and for your support in the BiBs !! Yaaay! 🙂
All so true. I text my husband recently to tell him the little one had just easten a spider! Congrats on the BiB. I have voted fro you 🙂 Thanks for linking up to #fridayfrolics
Oh thank you Claire that is so kind of you. Thank you! I had forgotten the ‘have you eaten a spider’ that is a classic! 🙂
I have said several of these, but I have to admit the one that is the most commonly uttered is the last one. True dat. Oh, and I have voted for you! Thanks for linking up with #FabFridayPost
Haha, what is it about Topsy and Tim? Thank you so much for your vote, I really appreciate it 🙂 x
This post made me laugh! Congrats on being shortlisted!
#fortheloveofBLOG
Thank you lovely x
Ha ha! I have said a few of these myself. Kids make you go bonkers that’s for sure. The hugest congratulations huni! You have my vote! Thanks for linking up to #TheList huni x x
Awww thank you lovely, lovely lady!! I still can’t believe it, I really can’t! I love blogging! I will stop now before I get too cheesy but thank you again. 🙂 xx
Thank you lovely xx