On the morning of the Brexit result I woke up to a tsunami of anger. It swirled on my social media, tweets of disdain mixed with tweets of grief. From across the Channel I watched. I might no longer live in the UK but I still call it home. I was also eligible to vote in this referendum but my vote hadn’t arrived in time. That stung.
That morning as I learned the Brexit result my heart broke. Outside the sky was bright blue and the sun was shining. It felt like a cruel irony. I was flying back home later that day. I was flying back to a broken home. I had watched from a safe distance as the campaign for Brexit had unfolded. I had felt a curious mix of being removed yet involved. I was removed in that I was over the other side of the Channel. However, I was very much emotionally involved. As the campaign hurtled closer to judgement day I had become increasingly disgusted by the tactics used on both sides of the campaign. Both sides resorting to fear. Both sides using scare tactics, hurling lies at each other and catching voters in their cross-fire.
I sat in Jersey airport feeling numb with grief. All around me people were muttering about the result, shocked voices spoke of disbelief and eyes studied the airport TV watching the news. When we landed in London I found myself scouring London for signs of a changed city. There were some. It might have been my imagination but London felt subdued, its independent spirit muffled by the result. As my train drew into Victoria station I spied banners hanging from flat windows. White banners stained with black paint that screamed “Vote Leave”. The banners surprised me. I hadn’t expected to see that, not in London.
Yet the majority had spoken. The UK would no longer be part of the EU. It would be going alone.
Alone. No longer united. I spent the weekend in London and all thoughts of Brexit were pushed to the back of my mind - that was until the Sunday morning. As I stood at the tube station waiting for the gates to be opened, people milled around. A mixture of hard core clubbers returning back home mingled with tourists and people going to work. We were a diverse bunch, a snapshot of what makes London a great city. A city that is welcoming. A city that is proud. However, that morning as different groups huddled together, London lost its sense of pride. The tube station became a snapshot for everything that is now wrong with the UK. From nowhere a fight erupted amongst the smart briefcases and the discarded crisp packets. They pushed and shoved each other, weaving in between families and tourists. A fight filled with vitriol and xenophobia. A fight that was spiked with racism and dripped with resentment. Their voices raged over a sleeping baby. Their anger threatening to wake the baby from her peaceful slumber in the pram. The mum gently rocking the pram and shushing, soothing away the hatred that had spilled onto the floor of this tube station. The men squaring up to each other, still spitting words of violence and contempt. On that early Sunday morning I watched appalled as it unfolded. I watched these two angry men at breaking point. Yet no one was stopping them. They were going full throttle at each other and no one was intervening. Should I intervene, I thought? Looking around I was aghast to realise that most of the people standing alongside me were on their phones. No, they weren’t trying to avoid what was going on. They had their phones held high, they were trained on the fight. They were filming it. Yet as they watched and filmed they seemed emotionally devoid. No flicker of sadness or worry crossed their faces. Instead they were intent on capturing the moment, recording it for posterity. They were merely the audience. As a result of the filming they weren’t there. I realised that I was in the minority, I was one of the only ones there. I was one of the only ones in the moment. I was one of the only ones reacting. On that morning in the tube station I felt alone. I felt scared. This was not the home I loved. Where were the compassionate, welcoming and open-minded people? Who were these indifferent people, numb to what was happening in front of them. Did this small group of people represent why Brexit had been allowed to happen? Did Brexit happen because of indifference?
I found myself relieved to leave my home behind. Brexit means that the UK isn’t the same, familiar home anymore. I was utterly disgusted by what I had witnessed at the tube station. I had seen the very worst of human nature and it had left me feeling tainted. I wanted to go back to Jersey. I wanted to flee my home. I am now terrified for my country’s future. Thanks to Brexit I no longer think of the UK as my safe home.
Brilliant insightful post, though I’m so sorry you had to witness this. I agree with you, I think there is a bit of a detachment from emotions at the moment - my other half commutes and he has encountered this situation a couple of times. It’s disgusting and so unnecessary. I was always proud to live in the UK and be a part of it, as someone who is Australian and was naturalised here, but now it has changed and I’m worried for our future too xxx
It is such a worrying time and I really sad that you OH has encountered it a couple of times too. I guess it highlights how common it is 🙁
A horrible thing to have to witness in a city that is usually so accepting. The feelings over Brexit run so deep in many people and I imagine sights like the one you witnessed are happening up and down the country. The people standing around filming? I would be shocked but in this day and age of sharing and overshare nothing surprise ms me anymore #truballove
Yes, it is sad when things like this don’t shock us anymore 🙁
I can relate to this. I really am wondering what’s to come from all of this. I feel like there’s no certainty. As an expat, I don’t feel like my place in Denmark is safe anymore. I feel like an illegal immigrant.
I find it disgusting how people are reacting back home. Some seem to think they now have a pass to be racist and act appallingly. I do get rather frustrated at those who try to tell me everything will be okay - mainly leave voters. How do they know? Nobody knows, not even our politicians know, who are jumping ship.
We got to see what happens and hope we can get through the storm. #TribalLove
Oh I am so sorry to read about how you feel too 🙁 It is such an awful time xx
So shocking, especially all those filming it. I think what was so awful about brexit was the realisation that Britain and our fellow Britons weren’t what we thought they were-or at least over 50% weren’t. #tribe
It’s so scary and I have read news reports about how it is ripped apart whole families 🙁
Such a horrible thing to witness and it saddens me that so many were so detached and yet I am not surprised too. It’s such a worrying time and not helped by continuing to be in limbo - most of the politicians who apparently wanted this have run away from it which makes me angry. The UK doesn’t feel like the safe, friendly place it once was and it worries me that those who are racist now feel like the vote has given them power to express it. Hopefully somehow we can find a way to move through the mess in a positive way. #triballove
I agree we need to find something positive 🙂
With you on that one. I’m clinging to the vain hope it is actually against our constitution to leave based purely on a referendum with so narrow a margin. Parliament is sovereign. They have to have a vote. They have to. They can fix this mess if they have the courage. Xx
I agree. The country now needs someone with real leadership and courage to sort it all out!
Oh gosh lovely an awful thing to have witnessed on the tube, in my city. Like you I felt shocked by the result, I thought we would remain, London was very Remain. I had a wholeic day away from it at #BML16 only to be reminded of it as soon as I returned home. It’s awful, what’s more awful is the uncertainty, not knowing what’s going to happen and when. I hope you feel like you can start to call the UK home soon. Claire X #triballove
Thanks for your lovely comment. I am hoping that something will change and the UK doesn’t leave…
How horrible for you….I feel a lot has already changed too. I feel so cross about the Brexiters and now I find myself wondering what all the people around me voted. How can I like them if they really feel they wanted to Leave? I know most of my friends and family are tolerant and welcoming but since over half the voters wanted to go, that means that some of the people I see and interact with on a daily basis do not share my views. #BloggerClubUK
I have read articles where Brexit has torn whole families apart. It’s hard when those you love are doing something that you really disagree with.
Thought provoking post - thanks! We have watched the events with great sadness and mounting horror too from our adopted home in Australia (have lived here now for nearly 26 years). I was brought up in Leeds, moved to London to go to uni at 18 and lived there for 9 years. Had many friends from different walks of life, countries and backgrounds. I don’t recognise the Britain I knew from the accounts I’ve heard from family and friends over there. Our younger daughter has been living in London for nearly 2 years. She says the same - there is blatant racism and hatred of foreigners around the place. One of her friends from Hong Kong was stopped in the street and told to leave the country, People are sad and fearful she says. Shocking that now these racist elements think they have justification for their appalling behaviour.Having gone over with what she thought was a European passport (as well as her Australian one) she is considering her options as she has no desire to stay in the Uk now (though her work is going well). Her friends, many of whom are European, will leave as soon as they can. The future seems bleak - an isolated bigoted country with major social and economic problems - it does seem as if the Uk has changed forever unless some miraculous solution can be found.
Oh I am so sad to read about your daughter and her friends. These are very worrying times and unless something changes the UK will continue to lose valuable citizens like your daughter and her friends.
HI there,
Interesting post, thank you for writing it. I think many of us are in a state of shock at the moment. We threw a party on Saturday and invited all our non UK friends over as we felt so ashamed and sad about the vote. Please don’t give up on our country, if you do then the racists and bigots will win and that’s simply not an option in my book. The result has given a small minority the legitimacy in their heads to behave in appalling ways, we’re all got to speak up and address them.
Yes, you are right, we need to continue to stand-up and speak against the minority xx
I am not completely familiar with the Bexit situation as I am just brushing up on it now. I will tune into the news later as I know CNN will undoubtedly cover at least some of it. As an American, I feel for you. Racism is rampid in this country and has gotten worse since the beginning of the presidential campaign earlier this year. Until recent years, racism was a taboo topic that we Americans just didn’t acknowledge but now it’s everywhere and trying to educate my kids on the subject is no easy feat. It’s disgusting that all of a sudden people are being openly racist everyone has become but I find myself asking, “Is this really because of terrorism or does it go much deeper than that?” I think it goes deeper and terrorism is the catalyst or excuse to bring it out. I’m so sorry about what is going on in your country! I do hope that we all find a better way! Popping over from #bloggerclubuk
Thank you for your lovely comment. I agree that I think it goes much deeper than that. I hope that things improve soon xx
Reading this makes me very sad indeed. When did people become heartless and striped from compassion? I’m sorry you had to witness it and I’m sorry you now feel that you have lost the Uk as your safe home 🙁 #triballove
Thank you Pat xx
Thoughtful and passionate post, Emma.
Its just awful isn’t it. I keep hoping there is some loophole in law that means we can’t go ahead with it. I left a comment on Tim’s website in response to his Brexit post that one of my friends shared from their facebook friend and it really does speak into how I have been feeling…
Wayne Steven Jackson said:
June 25 at 8:52pm ·
I vehemently disagree with all those proclaiming that protesting the Brexit result is an attack on democracy, suggesting that remain voters should just sit back, shut up, and get over it. My reasoning is simple: the outcome of the referendum is not yet a legally binding decision; parliament can, legitimately, reject it.
The majority was a mere 2.8% and within parameters that the opposition publicly said they would fight for a second referendum. Only 27% of the population actually voted to leave. An administrative cock-up meant that British migrants abroad did not receive their postal vote. Unlike in the Scottish referendum, 1.5 million 16-17 year olds were not permitted to vote this time, where leave won with a majority of only 1.3 million. It has been acknowledged by the leave campaign that the £350 million pledge to fund the NHS was a ‘mistake’ and they are also back-peddling on their promise to the xenophobic right of restricting the free movement of EU citizens. Google searches for ‘what is the EU?’ saw a 100%+ spike in the hours after polling had finished. Also, incredibly, people that voted leave are publicly regretting it, stating that they would now vote remain. This enormous decision, with far reaching consequences, is muddy and dirty. For me this does not equate to a definitive, clear, and comprehensive result.
I’m not suggesting that anything will change; I don’t actually expect it to. But whilst there is still the possibility that it will, I want to be heard. I want to join all of those voices (including some Brexit voters’) angry at the lies and immediate retractions of the leave campaign. Whilst there is still a lawful and legitimate possibility that it will not be upheld, I want the world to know that I am not complicit in my country’s decision. THAT is democracy. When, and if, article 50 is triggered I will support attempts to unite the country and move forward. Until then, there will be no sitting back, there will be no shutting up, and there will be no getting over it.
__________
Why has Brexit become some invitation for racists to point the finger at others? Where has all of this hate come from. Not in my name.
#BloggerclubUK
Thanks for your really thoughtful comment. Like you I hope that it is illegal. All of the lies that have been spread is just disgusting 🙁
Hi Emma, I feel full of sadness reading your post. Haven’t done one yet and its becoming increasingly pressing to put my mark down as I did that firm cross on the ballot paper nearly 2 weeks ago now. That weekend must have been so full of emotions as you had just won your well deserved BiB Award the night before. The image from the train station reminded me of something similar that was posted on social media last week - perhaps it was the same event. Something terrible about people losing their humanity to engage just so they can film or take photos (perhaps, thinking the best of them that they wanted photo evidence for police if it got really nasty), but i felt their emotional distance in your writing.
I had lunch the other day with a fairly new friend and was shocked at how I felt when she told me her views, especially as she’d lived and worked in Spain for years. I suggest reading an even-handed and honest post by Debbie at Random Musings. It’s about the only sensible thing I’ve read on Brexit. I weep for this country too, but remember nothing is really changed, just ideas which are now more exposed as they have been given credence by what I see as dark forces. My friends and I are still looking for a silver lining and pray that one will become visible soon. Jo xx #BloggerClubUK
Thank for your lovely comment Jo. I wasn’t going to write about it and then I saw an article about a racially motivated attack on a tram in Manchester. I couldn’t bring myself to watch the film after what I had witnessed what I saw in the tube station.It that case the film was used for good and the attackers were caught. It really made me think about the society we live in at the moment and how social media can be used for good but also does it make us immune to certain things? I don’t know, but I do know that I found it really troubling. I read Debbie’s post today and thought it was brilliant.
Oh my goodness that is beyond awful. Brexit has brought out some of the worst in people and it is shameful and disgusting. I was mortified by the outcome when I woke to it I, not sure I’ll ever forget that day. It’s a shame you have felt that way about wanting to get out and flee back to your island but I must say my OH and I had similar feelings and re-ignited a big move debate…whilst we still can #Bloggerclubuk
I know. It was the first time that I have been pleased to leave the country 🙁
Oh how awful for you to have to witness that when on a trip home. I can understand how it made you feel upset and tainted by everything that has gone on. It really is a worrying time. Not least because the country is in utter chaos and a mess, but because people seem to be turning on each other. I can’t believe that society has got to the stage where bystanders just want to film an event. It’s shocking and utterly depressing. Like you and many others, I was shocked by the result of the referendum I spent the next couple of days in total disbelief. But we have to move on now and try and make it work together. I hope it will work out.
I agree. We need to move on and try and come up with some sort of plan. We have to work it out for our children. Thanks for your comment 🙂
Sadly, I just think it is a reflection of the society we live in nowadays and the one of the downsides of social media 🙁
Yes, I agree. We really need a strong leader to sort all of this mess out now 🙁