David Beckham gets ill when he is away from his family

I have to admit that I am rather partial to a bit of David Beckham. Yes, I have fully bought into brand Beckham. He seems the devoted family man, supportive husband, athletic, kind, easy on the eye, covered in tattoos and the list goes on. However, I did stop in my tracks last week when I read that David gets physically ill when he is away from his family. My first reaction was to mutter under my breath about how lucky Posh is and if I was married to Beckham not only would I be able to crack a smile every now and again but I would be dancing on the tables too. I’m only joking I think Posh is fabulous and I’m sure she smiles in real life. I then thought what a lovely family man he is until I suddenly realised that there was something very wrong with what David had said. Let’s repeat this he gets

 

physically ill when he is away from his family

Yes, that’s right, he gets ill when he is away from his family. No it appears this wasn’t a typo. It shouldn’t have read “I get physically ill when I spend a whole day with them” which is how I sometimes feel. I LOVE my family but a day of being forced to watch Frozen over and over again, which apparently David is very happy to do, will often (nearly) send me teetering over the edge into a great canyon of chocolate.

But that is when it hit me. David Beckham has Frozen brain. His brain has been turned to mush by the endless watching of Frozen. It happens to the best of us. No wonder he feels physically ill at the thought of leaving his family. Frozen has given him a very skewed perspective of the world. He is all frozened out. He is worried that everytime he leaves them that his boat might get lost at sea like Anna and Elsa’s parents did. So it is down to us to remind David Beckham that there is a lot to be said for getting away from your family every now and again:

• You can have a lie-in. You wake up when you are ready, not when your little fingers prise open your eyes whilst shouting in your ears demanding dry cereal at 2 am.

• You can go into a coffee shop and actually drink your coffee without having to abandon it because someone has suddenly annouced very loudly in the quiet coffee shop that they need to do a big poo.

• You can go shopping without having to play hunt the threenager in the clothes racks or without having to reprimand threenager for wiping her nose on all of the designer dresses.

• You can watch a movie that doesn’t have talking penguins, karate chopping pandas or a singing princess.

• When you go out you feel oddly light and then you realise it is because you are not carrying around the usual arsenal of spare clothes, books, toys, pebbles, wipes etc.

• You can go and eat in a restaurant and order a meal that isn’t beige.

• You can actually have a conversation that doesn’t involve the repeating of the word “why” or random questions

• You can have a bubble bath on your own without a collection of rubber animals or an audience of small children.

• You can wear high heels safe in the knowledge that you are not suddenly going to have to bolt after a threenager trying to perfect her vanishing David Blaine party trick.

• You can wear your nicest party outfit without fears of yoghurt handprints being left on it.

So David whilst I commend you for being such a good family man I hope that these points have unfrozen your brain and you can now see that there is no reason to get physically sick when you have next have to leave your family. I tell you what, next time you go away you have a shandy for me and make the most of the lie-ins and I will carry on singing Frozen for you. If you are ever in doubt just remember that sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder.*

*Although I have to admit I am not sure if this is case as I haven’t been away in years……But there is always now. What do you say David, where shall we go? 😉