Today will see me jetting off this island and landing down in London. The blogging event of the year is here – Brit Mums or #BML16, as it is otherwise known. Gulp. Don’t panic Emma. One must remain calm at all times.
It occurred to me on Monday that I was suddenly feeling slightly nervous. I’m nervous because I am going to be meeting lots of amazing bloggers. Bloggers who I have admired from afar, bloggers who have made me laugh with their witty posts and also bloggers who have made me cry with their moving posts. Then there will be me, little old me, amongst all of the wonderful bloggers. Don’t panic Emma. Ok, I am now panicking a bit. It’s going to be like that first day at school or the first day in a new job. I am worried that I am going to walk into the event and that I will be able to find no one. My heart will be racing and I will be feeling sweaty. I will probably look so flushed that people will suspect I have been hitting the gin at 9am in the morning. You will have to take my word that there will no gin cans stashed in my handbag. When I get nervous I am prone to making an idiot of myself, a massive idiot. I will probably be very uncool and embarrass myself throughout the day. I felt I should share with you everything that I am expecting to go wrong. You can now consider yourself forewarned and prepared.
- I will probably arrive late and flustered. This will be due to my inability to read maps ( I will probably have been wandering the streets of London since 8am), or it will be down to the fact that I overslept because I failed to set the alarm on my phone.
- I will either headbutt you, give you a nervous kiss or manage to grope you in an inappropriate place. Let me reassure you that none of these actions will have been on purpose. I am accident prone and I will be anxious, not a good mix. But how do you greet someone who you know so well from the internet but not in ‘real’ life?
- I will probably end up very over excited and therefore demand that you be in all of my photos. I may also ask you for your autograph. Sorry.
- I will end up spilling everything that it is in my bag all over the floor. This will happen just as everyone is trying to get into the conference.
- I will probably spill very hot coffee down myself and will end up in the toilet splashing water in a desperate attempt to remove coffee and stop 3rd degree burns. If you see me wandering around with a dubious stain, I have not wet myself. Honest.
- I will get very excited and talk very fast, too fast, at a pitch that only dogs can hear.
- When I am nervous I hiccup. This will probably be during a crucial part of a talk.
- The plan is to wear heels so I will trip and fall at some point. I always think heels are a good idea. I then put heels on and remember that I can’t actually walk in them. In my head I think elegant and sophisticated. The reality is I will end up looking awkward and in pain. I will have flats in my bag.
- I might get your name wrong. Not because I am rude but because I am too embarrassed to ask you to repeat your name. Please just tell me if I get your name wrong.
- I will probably cry during the moving keynotes, loudly.
- I will probably end up with lunch stuck between my teeth. This is not a good look. Please tell me if I am displaying broccoli.
- In noisy areas I can struggle to hear what is being said. Therefore, I may spend a lot of time asking you to repeat yourself, feel free to ignore me.
So there you go, if you see a slightly delirious, hiccupping lady who is struggling to walk in her heels – it’s me! Please come and say hi. I will be very nervous. I am also up for a blogging award – very exciting. I am not expecting to win and it feels an amazing honour to have just made it this far. I am up against 4 amazing blogs and I am very excited to see who wins. I have prepared for when I lose. This is now a good excuse to shoehorn some classic Friends into this post. The below is a how not to react when your name is not called out.
I can’t wait to meet you all. Please come and say hi 🙂
Ps there will be no blog posts this weekend because of Brit Mums.