People born on the 16th June include Stan Laurel, Tupac Shakur and Mr C. Yep, last Thursday was his birthday. We have been aware of his approaching birthday for at least two months. Mr C likes to give us plenty of notice. The reason for this is that he is the most difficult man to buy for on Jersey, nope that doesn’t quite cover it – he is the most difficult man to buy for in the world. Yes, even more difficult than my own dad. My dad who we like to call the Imelda Marcos of chinos because he has one whole wardrobe dedicated to his chino collection. During the last annual chino count it was discovered that he was the proud owner of no less than 37 pairs of chinos. It doesn’t stop at the chinos though, these smart trousers come in a variety of colours and my dad then has to have a matching fleece in the exact same colour to the trousers. I’m not going to lie, the mustard yellow is a little on the powerful side. My mum is always lamenting her lack of drawer and hanging space. Yes, Mr C is even more difficult to buy for than my chino loving, fleece wearing dad.
When Mr C first casually drops in his first birthday reminder I am normally quite calm and collected. This is because I have forgotten the panic buying from previous years. My shopping for Mr C starts with a couple of months beforehand with a calm stroll around some shops and some tinkering on the internet, but by the time it is the week of his birthday I still haven’t found a present and I am screeching around shops whilst pulling my hair out and throwing everything and anything into my amazon basket. Mr C starts putting the pressure on by making noises about how he can’t wait for the “thoughtful gift” I am going to give him. It then gets to the point where I am silently stalking Mr C. Every time he looks at something on the internet, I am hovering by his shoulder; I am casting an eye over his internet history – Volvo XC90! Dream on Mr C. When he is casually perusing the aisles I am there at his elbow. Despite my excellent stalker skills I still never really know what to buy Mr C.
Mr C seems to take some pleasure in torturing me about his birthday. For Mr C his birthday is one of the few times where he can take the moral high ground. Mr C never actually reveals what he would like for his birthday. All I know is that he has very expensive taste and that he likes his presents to have labels, as in designer labels. He also has a fondness for gadgets. Shiny gadgets that are expensive. In the run-up to his birthday, normally a couple of days beforehand, Mr C will suddenly change tact. This is because I am now a broken lady after having spent the previous two months trying to find the perfect present. Mr C now chooses to announce,
“Oh don’t bother about me, I don’t need anything. It’s no big deal”
He is starting his climb to the moral high ground and he is getting ready to enjoy that view, whilst I am reminded that his birthday is a big deal and I had better have found him the most amazing present. Then I have the sinking realisation, it’s Father’s Day a couple of days later. How have I managed to forget that? I have had constant reminders of that too. Socks. I can get away with socks for Father’s Day, are socks not the classic Father’s Day present? But then I realise that Mr C has a mountain of socks thanks to the previous six years of sock buying.
Last Thursday, Mr C woke up excited for his birthday and he didn’t seem that impressed with his birthday kiss and my promise of a birthday surprise later. Well his eyebrows might have momentarily raised in hope until I shot them down with,
“not that type of surprise”.
Luckily, I have been saved by a timely invite, the answer to all birthday woes. Yes, Pizza Express are offering us a meal to help celebrate Mr C’s birthday – yaaay.
I did manage to find Mr C several birthday presents. When writing this post I realised the real reason I struggle buying for Mr C. Like the classic break- up line – It’s not you, it’s me. It is because no present seems enough, not because Mr C wants more but because a present doesn’t quite articulate how I feel about him. It doesn’t tell him that I think he is the most amazing father and husband. The biggest, shiniest gift just wouldn’t be enough because really Mr C really does deserve the world! Obviously, that is beyond my means so he is just going to have to settle for the woefully inadequate presents that I have bought him.
Happy Birthday Mr C and Happy Father’s Day too.
I am sorry for that revolting display of affection for my husband. Let normal service resume, but before I pass you the sick buckets I have a question – do you have any ideas for what to get for Father’s Day? What could go wrong, I’ve got a couple of days….Oh hang on, it’s today… and the shops don’t open on a Sunday in Jersey.
Only kidding, I have a present.