
Disclaimer – Before you freak out and run away from this post, I am not really like Doctor Foster. I don’t drink 3 bottles of wine a night (I would be dead), I don’t frequent nightclubs and try and convince a new boyfriend to have sex with me in random places and I don’t stalk ex-husbands/boyfriends by standing outside of their greenhouse for a house. Nor would I do this should Mr C and I ever split up. If I ever did discover that Mr C was cheating on me and the family then he better watch out for his balls (jokes, maybe). However, I do think that all of us have a little bit of Doctor Foster inside of us. Quite frankly I would rather be Doctor Foster and not the doormat of a wife who lives over the road from Doctor Foster. Anyway, on with the post.
Doctor Foster Is Back!
Doctor Foster is back on our screens and she is still getting under my skin. She didn’t come back meek and apologetic. No, she came back angry and still hell-bent on revenge. Good for her! The ex-husband rocks up again with his younger wife and child, taunts her over text, gets their 15 year-old son drunk, insults her some more, takes their son and generally rubs her face in it. Of course she isn’t going to stand for it, is she? You see this is where Mr C and I differ. Mr C seems aghast at Doctor Foster and her actions. He thinks that she is perhaps a little bit bonkers. I suspect that this could be the case for men everywhere. Men are shrivelling at the thought of their wives/girlfriends/ partners going a little bit Doctor Foster whereas women are cheering her on and also slightly recognising ourselves in her. The idea that women might all be a bit Doctor Foster on the sly was further backed-up by a Telegraph article which basically said much the same. Here are some of the ways I might have morphed into Doctor Foster and the “slightly” crazy things that I might have done….
8 Ways I Have Been Just A Little Bonkers Like Doctor Foster
- An ex basically took me for a mug. I supported him through his teacher training even though I suspected he was shagging his way through his training. He claimed I was mad. I went snooping and found evidence that he probably had shagged the whole female cohort of his course and more. He finally confessed. One STD check for me later and I was feeling angry so I rubbed chilli all over his underpants. Threw his clothes (they were in bin bags) out of the window and sent a message to everyone in his phonebook outing him as a cheating scumbag. Hmmm, one step too far?
- When Mr C and I were first dating and I was living in Lancaster I would normally come down to visit him in Leeds. There was nothing in Lancaster so I was more than happy to escape. On one occasion I decided to surprise Mr C by not ringing him to tell him I had arrived. I knew the pub he would be in. I arrived to find a girl sat in his lap flirting with him. It was a girl who I had suspected had eyes for Mr C and I had mentioned this previously to him to be told – “as if”. To be fair to Mr C he didn’t look like he was enjoying it…that much. He probably realised my arrival was imminent! I walked to the bar ordered myself a pint (I know, classy) and headed over to Mr C and his lady friend. On seeing me they both looked petrified, Mr C more so. I coolly announced that she seemed to have fallen into my boyfriend’s lap and would she mind moving. She seemed worried that I might pour the pint on her head, as if. I then took my place in Mr C’s lap. He found it hilarious until I told him that if he ever cheated on me I would chop his balls off. Hmmm, one step too far?
- When I decided that we had to decorate one of our living room walls yellow, I didn’t just go and choose some yellow paint and slap it on. No, I researched it on the internet: Farrow and Ball, Dulux, Crown etc; mould resistant, reflective or pen resistant. I went full on Doctor Foster mad just for painting a wall. In the end we whacked up what must have been 10 paint samples, only for me to then announce that we had leave it for 2 weeks so that I could check what they looked like at different times of the day and night. A Doctor Foster step too far?
- When I married Mr C I went full on Doctor Foster mad with my table planning. I knew exactly what I wanted my tables to look like and they had to be laid out very specifically. Not a thing out of place. I wanted to ensure that they wedding organiser had it just right. So not only did I write her a step by step guide for the table but I also drew miniature diagrams. A Doctor Foster step too far?
- Haircut mad. I am going through this now! I am feeling the urge for a radical new change – a pixie crop or something different, but I know that if I do I will instantly regret it. Last time my hair was cut really short I was heavily pregnant with Oldest. I ended up looking like a short fat man. I told the hairdresser I loved it but wailed all the way home and spent the next couple of weeks saying to Mr C
“you don’t like it, do you? You hate it, don’t you? You think I look like Wee Jimmie Krankie, don’t you?”
On and on for weeks. I was Doctor Foster obsessed. Too far?
- PMT mad like Doctor Foster. Where you find yourself bemoaning at everything and everyone. If they don’t eat all of the dinner that you lovingly spent 45 minutes and 2 seconds (not that I was counting) preparing then you aren’t happy, even if deep down you know that it tastes like sh*t. You declare that you are going on strike and from now on it will be take-away. You ignore the fact that everyone looks delighted. Also, when you have spent the whole day cleaning and tidying the house up and everyone comes home, traipsing their muddy shoes through the house and don’t notice how lovely, clean and tidy the house is. You feel like hiding their shoes……in the oven. When Mr C asks if your period is on its way because you seem a bit snappy, “whaaaaaaat, how dare you! I’m not snappy, I’m a ray of sunshine” before storming off upstairs to your bedroom to eat chocolate, watch trashy TV and punch the hot water bottle. Step too far?
- Cleaning mad. When you decide that you are going to tidy everyone’s drawers but instead of folding everything neatly and being done with it you go all Marie Kondo over it. Your drawers now have clothes that are rolled and neatly filed away. It’s like a work of art. You are so proud of it that you take photos and send it to your husband at work. Two weeks later and the clothes in all the drawers have unravelled, the clothes are a mess and you are silently seething. You debate throwing all of the clothes away and becoming a nudist family. A step too far?
- When you find an 11 year-old bullying your three year-old in soft play you go Doctor Foster mad and you tell the child that if they even look at your child again then they will be in big trouble and if they are caught bullying other children then they will find out how it feels to be bullied. You tell them,
“I will find you”.
Less Doctor Foster that time and more Liam Neeson from Taken.
I feel much better now that I have shared the ways I have been mad like Doctor Foster. It’s the same for everyone though, isn’t it? We are all a little bit mad sometimes, aren’t we? Share your Doctor Foster ways with me…..I won’t tell. Promise.
She is bonkers! I’ve refused to watch any more after the first two of this series…My OH seems to absolutely love how crazy she is! I suspect it has something to do with it being Suranne Jones…He keeps giving ther the benefit of the doubt….I said to him ‘If it was Kathy Bates from Misery or Glenn Close from Fatal Attraction, you’d be totally aghast by her antics!!’ It has become too ridiculous for me to watch! I certainly would have ditched that useless Doctor friend who is so two-faced. I won’t go to your ex’s party…Cue her at ex’s party.
Ughhh! Your ex! What a complete [INSERT SWEAR WORDS AND INSULTS HERE]
P.S. I’m not condoning Dr F’s ex in any way, but I’m struggling with the fact she isn’t a likeable character at all…Turning up at her son’s friends house….Staring in through the window and then going in and sitting with him…Creepy!
Oh you make me laugh! She does have some likeable traits but she does also make you shout “noooooo, what are you doing? Nooooooo” whilst hiding behind a cushion She is just very angry. The man she loved turned out to be a complete git and that in turned made her 50% fruit-loop 50% doctor who never seems to have patients!
I live under a rock. Not only do I not watch Dr Foster, but I’ve never seen Game of Thrones either! I did see a bit of the final episode of Dr Foster last series, but it was too complicated to catch up on! I do think all women are mad though, some more than others!I personally don’t have the energy to get mad about too many things these days!!
Well I can join under that rock as I have never seen Games of Thrones either! Yep, Doctor Foster is a little bit mad
Love this. Love Doctor Foster. And yes, I think we all have a little bit of her in us. I could not live in that greenhouse though. I’m a jumpy person by nature and my own reflection would be scaring the crap out of me all the time! #FridayFrolics
LOL – I went 100% Doctor Foster during wedding planning – to the extent that I had a full on, snotty ‘the whole day is RUINED!!’ cry when the caterer called to say we’d have to have salmon goujons rather than lemon sole during the wedding breakfast. Safe to say this was the wake up call required to take a step back and get some much needed perspective! #FridayFrolics
Oooh, love how you handled situation number 2. Really classy I must say (despite the pint in your hand!!!).
I obsess the same way about room paint, it’s SO IMPORTANT to see it at all times of the day and from every angle…love the yellow btw!!!
#FridayFrolics
I don’t know who Dr Foster is but good on you for grabbing a pint, scaring the sh*t out of the girl and sitting on yours. #FridayFrolics
I’m not familiar with Dr. Foster, but it sounds entertaining!
#fridayfrolics
Love all your psycho moments. I have a whole library full. Bizarrely just as I have got my emotional shit together my hormones are f.cking me up all over again!!!What’s that all about ??xx
I didn’t watch the first series, but I can see that she is absolutely bonkers. I also hate the ex husband, he is manipulative, emotionally abuse and physically violent. He is controlling and she eggs him on with her behaviour. It will only end in tears. Pen x #FridayFrolics
Very pleased to get your chilli in the underpants story in full! Ahhh revenge – like trifle – a dish best served cold! I caught the end of Dr Foster the other day when the neighbour came over etc and I do find all the searing looks and glances a bit much! Might give this series a go on demand and see if I can channel my own inner bonkers??? Great post #fridayfrolics
Oh I do like this post!! I know she appears unhinged our Doctor but high emotion does odd things to a person!!! I love your chilli in the undies ,phonebook moves to the ex!!! Well done!! #BlogCrush
I must find this Dr. Foster! I am clueless to her existence! Ho hum… She’s not in Moana, right? #FridayFrolics
We’re definitely all a bit Dr Foster though I did find myself wanting to shake her at times for just being dare I say just a little bit too Dr Foster! But it’s all good telly I guess and she had every right to feel craaaaazy after what horrible ex-husband did to her. I love that yellow on your wall by the way – it was worth the Dr Foster research and slapping up several samples on the wall. #Fridayfrolics
Oh I’ve never seen Dr Foster – but I do feel the need now!!! I think we can all be bonkers sometimes – it’s the only way to be isn’t it?! x
Oh dear – I have no idea who Dr Foster is!!! Now I feel so out of touch with the world! But I do remember a time when my hubby (then boyfriend) went to party instead of hanging out with me, so I went totally AWOL and disappeared for 4 hours. Unfortunately, the party lasted more than 4 hours so I came home and he was non-the-wiser! Haha.
Anyway, congratulations because someone loved this post so much, they added it to the BlogCrush linky! Feel free to collect your “I’ve been featured” blog badge 🙂 #blogcrush
I was like Jane – gave up at episode 2 due to too much craziness, however, hubby convinced me to try one more episode and we actually did make it to the end of the series. She was crazy mad and I think my final words as the credits rolled, we locked the cat in the kitchen and we switched off the big light were; ‘that was crap – no one is THAT crazy!’ No One.
Haha – I’ve never seen Dr Foster! She sounds interesting! Loving the removal of the girl from Mr C’s lap! #FridayFrolics