I am being stalked around the internet and just as I think I have escaped them…they pop-up again. They are showing me their wares, trying to seduce me, trying to make me click on them. At the moment The White Company is stalking me with their promise of silk jumpsuits. The other day I had a “what the feck am I going to wear to Brit Mums?!” panic. My go to choice of clothes to wear is a jumpsuit. The jumpsuit hides a multitude of sins, can be dressed up or down, what’s not to love? I decided that I needed a new one and therefore spent about 54 minutes perusing several stores. I promptly fell in love with a silk jumpsuit from The White Company. We had a very brief but intense liaison that involved me dropping it into my basket and then promptly kicking it out of my basket. I finally saw sense when I realised it was too expensive, like a one-night stand it was all promise but no substance.
However, that jumpsuit is still niggling away because it’s still there in my life. How can I get over the jumpsuit if it is still insisting on being in my life, following me around and torturing me with its silkiness. I had an ex-boyfriend who did this for a while. He would spring up on my bus, clutching a bunch of roses. I would leave a lecture to find him “just passing” with a family sized bar of Dairy Milk. The breaking point came when he managed to install the ring tune for Rick Astley onto my phone. Yes, that Rick. Rick from the 80s with the big quiff. Every time the ex rang the tune that belted out from my phone was –
“never gonna give you up, never gonna let you go”.
I hate to admit it, but the stalking eventually wore me down. I relented and we ended up back together…AGAIN. The relationship dragged on for another 6 months, only finally juddering to a close when he moved to another city. There were still some moments of misunderstanding –
Scene – A not so romantic dinner in the local pub
Me: It’s not working, I really think that now you are living in another city we should take this opportunity to move on, without the drama. We really are better as friends.
Him: I agree. It hasn’t been working for a while.
Me: Oh I am so pleased you agree. Phew.
An hour later as ex-boyfriend boarded to get on the bus
Me: Bye then. Take care and I hope your placement year goes ok.
(As he goes to take his seat he shouts out of the window)
Him: Bye. I love you. See you next week.
Me: (With panicked look on my face, shouting breathlessly as I am now jogging alongside moving bus) What! No you don’t, we broke up. WE BROKE UP. REMEMBER. You WILL NOT come and visit.
Him: (shouting out of window whilst making love sign with his hands) Love you babes, you might want to stop running now, you are getting some strange looks.
(Me grinding to a halt as I watch the bus filter into another lane with not so ex-boyfriend’s hand still pushed up against window in love heart shape)
In the end the relationship was ended over the phone. Not the ideal way but I hope that you will agree that I really had no other choice. Finally, we were both able to move on and get on with our lives because we were not in each other’s lives.
How can I move on from a silk jumpsuit when it keeps stalking me?!
Logically, I know that me and silk would not be a good combination. However, it is hard to remember that when it keeps chasing me around the internet, flaunting itself. I know who is to blame here – the cookies and not the yummy kind. I’m talking about the sort that hang around on the internet, in real life they hang around on your hips and on the internet they hang around on your web pages, doing a Rick Astley, silently mouthing – “I’m never gonna give you up”.
It’s time to give up silk jumpsuit. I’m hitting that cross on the advert and sending you back on that bus to your website. We are just not compatible.
Now I could really do with some candles…..ooooh Jo Malone, so pretty, in my basket, no out of my basket. No in, no out….Dammit!
*Disclaimer – the post that was meant for today was one about Mr C and the fact that it is his birthday. That post will now be coming later but in the meantime HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR C. Also Mr C can you explain why I also seem to have a Volvo xC90 stalking me on the internet? Anything you want to tell me?*