I am being stalked around the internet and just as I think I have escaped them…they pop-up again. They are showing me their wares, trying to seduce me, trying to make me click on them. At the moment The White Company is stalking me with their promise of silk jumpsuits. The other day I had a “what the feck am I going to wear to Brit Mums?!” panic. My go to choice of clothes to wear is a jumpsuit. The jumpsuit hides a multitude of sins, can be dressed up or down, what’s not to love? I decided that I needed a new one and therefore spent about 54 minutes perusing several stores. I promptly fell in love with a silk jumpsuit from The White Company. We had a very brief but intense liaison that involved me dropping it into my basket and then promptly kicking it out of my basket. I finally saw sense when I realised it was too expensive, like a one-night stand it was all promise but no substance.
However, that jumpsuit is still niggling away because it’s still there in my life. How can I get over the jumpsuit if it is still insisting on being in my life, following me around and torturing me with its silkiness. I had an ex-boyfriend who did this for a while. He would spring up on my bus, clutching a bunch of roses. I would leave a lecture to find him “just passing” with a family sized bar of Dairy Milk. The breaking point came when he managed to install the ring tune for Rick Astley onto my phone. Yes, that Rick. Rick from the 80s with the big quiff. Every time the ex rang the tune that belted out from my phone was -
“never gonna give you up, never gonna let you go”.
I hate to admit it, but the stalking eventually wore me down. I relented and we ended up back together…AGAIN. The relationship dragged on for another 6 months, only finally juddering to a close when he moved to another city. There were still some moments of misunderstanding -
Scene - A not so romantic dinner in the local pub
Me: It’s not working, I really think that now you are living in another city we should take this opportunity to move on, without the drama. We really are better as friends.
Him: I agree. It hasn’t been working for a while.
Me: Oh I am so pleased you agree. Phew.
An hour later as ex-boyfriend boarded to get on the bus
Me: Bye then. Take care and I hope your placement year goes ok.
(As he goes to take his seat he shouts out of the window)
Him: Bye. I love you. See you next week.
Me: (With panicked look on my face, shouting breathlessly as I am now jogging alongside moving bus) What! No you don’t, we broke up. WE BROKE UP. REMEMBER. You WILL NOT come and visit.
Him: (shouting out of window whilst making love sign with his hands) Love you babes, you might want to stop running now, you are getting some strange looks.
(Me grinding to a halt as I watch the bus filter into another lane with not so ex-boyfriend’s hand still pushed up against window in love heart shape)
Me: Dammit!
In the end the relationship was ended over the phone. Not the ideal way but I hope that you will agree that I really had no other choice. Finally, we were both able to move on and get on with our lives because we were not in each other’s lives.
How can I move on from a silk jumpsuit when it keeps stalking me?!
Logically, I know that me and silk would not be a good combination. However, it is hard to remember that when it keeps chasing me around the internet, flaunting itself. I know who is to blame here - the cookies and not the yummy kind. I’m talking about the sort that hang around on the internet, in real life they hang around on your hips and on the internet they hang around on your web pages, doing a Rick Astley, silently mouthing - “I’m never gonna give you up”.
It’s time to give up silk jumpsuit. I’m hitting that cross on the advert and sending you back on that bus to your website. We are just not compatible.
Now I could really do with some candles…..ooooh Jo Malone, so pretty, in my basket, no out of my basket. No in, no out….Dammit!
*Disclaimer - the post that was meant for today was one about Mr C and the fact that it is his birthday. That post will now be coming later but in the meantime HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR C. Also Mr C can you explain why I also seem to have a Volvo xC90 stalking me on the internet? Anything you want to tell me?*
I am currently being stalked by ab toners. Best not to ask but it involves my husband’s work and not my desire to tone up. I like biscuits too much!
I say buy it and look fabulous. I would if I looked anything other than horrific in them. I’ll be in jeans.
Fran @ Whinge Whinge Wine recently posted…Bad day
LOVE that you are being stalked by ab toners. I was once stalked by a running machine and then it kept taunting me, making me feel bad for sitting on the sofa and surfing the net.
They don’t make me feel bad… well, only that husband’s work are wasting money marketing to the wrong woman ahaha.
Back for #chucklemums, I hope you get that suit. They’d be fools not to give it to you…
Fran @ Whinge Whinge Wine recently posted…Messy play? Not today
Hahaha!
Love this! I really want to see a pic of the jumpsuit though. It sounds incredible. For my part, I am starting to wonder if the boiler suit was such a good idea. Not only do I look like I’m about to do some maintenance work on a fighter plane, but I’m not sure it’s great for the hot weather either. Obviously the latter is the biggest concern. Aerospace engineer is a look I can largely cope with. Basically what I’m trying to say is, I still haven’t made the final decision on Britmums outfit! #tribe
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Hmm, yes sweating in a boiler suit would be hellish. Could you not wear a strappy top underneath and then tie the arms round your waist if needed?
Oh so funny to read. My advice, for what it is worth, divide the amount of times you will wear it by cost - cost per wear - cheap as chips - works every time for me in my little justifying mind!! Do it quick before it sells out!! #triballove xx
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Haha, I like your equation! Very good idea 🙂
Completely know where you’re coming from Emma, I often dawdle over Internet clothes purchases and keep coming back to it. I’m often stalked by office shoes once I’ve been looking at those. Hope you get the car! Claire x#triballove
Haha, don’t think we will be getting the car!
This is hilarious! I had those stalking ads 😉 Hope you and the jumpsuit can finally part ways soon hahaha…..however we need to see this jumpsuit to make an executive decision!! I have absolutely no idea what I am going to wear - I have made it to skinny jeans and that’s it, which could be a frightening prospect for all of you. xx #triballove
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haha, I’m sure you in jeans would not be frightening! I really don’t know what I am going to wear now - arghh!
Just popping back from #chucklemums - you’re hilarious Em! I made an executive decision today to wear a dress to BML … bought from ASOS so this could all end in last minute tears but watch this space…
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Yay, you will look fab!
I got to see this silk jumpsuit. I’m curious now! I know the feeling of wanting to buy something, but feeling I shouldn’t. I end up thinking about the darn thing most the day. #TribalLove
Sarah - Mum & Mor recently posted…Food Successes
It’s so annoying how you can’t then get it out of your head!
Haha this is so great and not just because I have had a pair of boots stalk me around the Internet and numerous holidays to far off places, but I’ve also had SEVEN awkward conversations with ONE boyfriend with whom I was trying to break up with, that ended in me actually HIDING in my house and turning all the lights off…maybe I should write a dating tales about that haha!
Lucy xx
#TribalLove
Lucy recently posted…Birth: Why Women Forget The Pain
Hahaha that is brilliant, there was actually another person that I went on a couple of dates on and he wouldn’t take the message. I had to do what you did and switch the lights off and hide inside but then he kept ringing the landline until one of my housemates picked it up, oblivious to the fact that I was hiding behind the sofa!
I can’t stop giggling! Got to love a bit of Rick
So many times I’ve purchased a thing of loveliness, only to regret it and give myself a strong word and return it to the shop. Hate those stalking emails where they say “did you miss something? It seems you did not complete checkout”. No I didn’t because I came to my senses! Maybe it’s my old age but things have to be practical now, gone are the days of excessive 20 something me where it can be worn just for that weekend only , of course you had NOTHING to wear! Well done for walking away, amazing will power, I currently have Maldives holidays stalking me…..wishful thinking
Now, I really think that if the Maldives are stalking you, then you have to go! Just book it and blame it on the cookies 😉
I too seem to have a lot of different beautiful and expensive shoes stalking me around:) Glad you got over it and let it go or did you? Those cookies will come back when you least expect it! I’m now going to find that jumpsuit because I really want to know what it looks like.
Ps: Happy Birthday to Mr C X
#triballove
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I would like to say that I did but I fell in love with another jumpsuit which I now have. I now have handbags stalking me, because obviously I need the right handbag to finish it 😉
Argh I hate targeted adds - it’s like they are taunting you. Sometimes I like to add things to my basket and then close the window before buying them. It’s like a virtual shopping high… But then they pop up all the time and like you say stalk me into buying them! Totally get the ex boyfriend thing… #triballove
haha, thanks for feeling my pain 😉
I can just imagine how disastrous me and a silk jumpsuit would be. Not sure baby sick would accentuate it! #fridayfrolics
I know, silk is always a big no no!
Brilliant. Ok confession… When this whole advert stalking thing first started I may have said to my husband “Wow, what are the chances, those hideous pink gloves I just ordered for your mums birthday are on every website I visit. They must be really popular”. I’ll be going now…
Thanks for linking up to #FridayFrolics
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hahaha, oh that is brilliant!
Just noticed Rick Astley is number 1 again (album-wise, anyway). It’s like 1987 all over again (not that I ever actually left 1987, of course).
It’s much easier being a bloke at times like this. Come next weekend, I will simply wear whatever item of clothing (a) is least in need of ironing and (b) smells the least. Easy-peasy! See you there. #fridayfrolics
Haha, yes I did see that he was number 1 again. He seems to keep getting back in those charts, the man is clearly a bit of a marketing genius. Rick must be laughing all the way back to the bank. Perhaps it is because his songs remind us of safer times. Regarding next weekend, it could be easy but I have put so much pressure on this outfit! I want it say it too much, no outfit will live up to the multiple requirements that I have for it. Thanks for your comment
Hey, at least you’ve got a silky jumpsuit stalking you. I had zip-up slippers after me last week!!! The nerve!
Oh no! Zip-up slippers is something I do not want stalking me 🙂
Haha dan that silk jumpsuit! Who’s going to win, you or the jumpsuit! Either way, do you win? I’m being stalked by laptops none of which I can afford but so desperately want!! #chucklemums
It had a half-victory. I ended up buying a jumpsuit….but from another store!
Your writing has an effortless feel (of course I know the work that has gone into it, but for the reader it flows). I love the way you are so clever with intertwining the stories. The image of the silk jumpsuit and relating it to your ex boyfriend. A lovely, funny read. Alison x #chucklemums
Aww, thank you for your really comment. That has made my day! 🙂 xx
Ha, this made me laugh a lot, so cleverly written and something that resonates with me. There are certain items of clothing that stalk me on a regular basis, I can’t escape them but then neither can I escape chocolate, takeaways and wine! Oooops #chucklemums
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Haha, yes, I can’t esacape chocolate or wine either - whoops!
I am being stalked by a fridge freezer that my other half looked up on my account. I don’t even want one! Rah.
I hate it when products follow me around the internet. Usually the reason I haven’t purchased said product is because I can’t afford it, so seeing it over and over again just reminds me how broke I am. I just want to shout, “Leave me alone! You look fantastic, but I need to, you know, eat this month.” #chucklemums
haha, it’s just cruel!
I feel like this happens to me all the time. I’m currently trying get to find a few affordable dresses for some weddings this summer. But it seems like everything I like is so expensive. Good luck in avoiding the jumpsuit!#chucklemums
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haha, thanks. In the end I bought another jumpsuit. Still lusting after The White Company one though!