It occured to me the other day whilst using my cat like reflexes to catch a falling glass in one hand whilst mopping up spilt juice with the other, that I do indeed have superpowers. I haven’t always had these. No, it appears that producing two offspring has unleashed my inner superhereo. I don’t need to tell you that being a parent is very much like being a superhero. I mean on a daily basis we look like Superman in his civilian clothes, we blend in with the crowd whilst looking like any other person.
However, on the inside is a whole different story;
- x-ray vision. I can see everything. Every toy that has been hidden under the bed, every pair of socks that hasn’t made it to the laundry basket. Every bit of dust and dirt lurking under the sofa. Ok, lets not talk about the Christmas platter of cured meats that youngest found so offensive that she decided to hide under the sofa and that I only found last week, mouldy and nearly walking. My superpowers obviously need fine tuning.
- I don’t feel pain. Labour anyone? Standing on lego barefoot! Also having a threenager that has a fondness for demonstrating her ninja moves (superhero in training) on you means that you have a pretty high tolerance for pain.
- Superlearning powers. I can follow and memorise the instruction booklet for any game, rapido. Also ask me anything about any member of the cbeebies team. I know everything about Mr Tumbles and don’t get me started on Mr Bloom. In Mastermind my specialist subject would be cbeebies presenters.
- Poison Generation. Apparently every healthy meal I try and serve my children is just this, poison.
Poison disguised as carrots. Obviously. - The power of persuasion. I can perform Jedi mind tricks on my two. I use my charm to persuade them to tidy-up and switch off the TV. Admittedly this is a superhero power that I need to work on as more often than not it doesn’t work.
- Understanding different languages, in this case threenager speak. I can decipher what threenager is speaking. This is no mean feat. Apparently foof means seatbelt, this did cause much confusion in the early days when everytime we stopped in the car threenager would shout “foof out”.
- Superhero strength. I can carry threenager and all of the shopping from the downstairs garage and up the stairs.
- Superhero invention skill. I can invent a game of changing complexity in the blink of eye, rapidly adapting it to the needs of the audience.
- Empathy. I absorb the moods of my children. I know their moods better then they do.
- Superhearing. I can hear threenager trying to sneak a packet of crips out of the cupboard from another floor. I can hear the sound of arguing from behind closed doors. I can hear feet tip-toeing when they should be in bed.
- Elasticity. Reaching up to the top shelf in the supermarket to retrieve the last packet of Chocolate Shreddies. Another example of my elasticity is holding one threenager having a tantrum whilst filling in a permission slip for oldest.
- Healing powers. The ability to stop a leg that is apparently going to “fall off right now” and the ability to kiss better a knee that has been knocked.
- Freeze time. This is a power that sometimes I seem to unleash without meaning to, especially when playing the same mind-numbing game with youngest for the twentieth time. I look at the clock thinking at least an hour must of passed to find that in fact no time has passed.
- Prerecognition. I can anticipate things happening before they do. I can see when threenager and oldest are about to fall out and I can tell when a melt down is about to happen in a shop.
- Force field bubble. When threenager is having a tantrum I can deploy a force field bubble round myself for self preservation.
- Spiderwebs. Not literally but like spiderman I can leap and weave through skyscrapers and whole towns of houses made from…Lego.
- Shapeshifting. I can go from Mum to cleaner to writer to wife to friend in the blink of an eye.
- Telekinesis. I can catch a cup full of juice mid-air. Hurl a potty at a toddler about to have an accident and take the last smartie from a child without them even realising.
- Telepathy. I can read the thoughts of my two and know when they are brewing trouble.
- Superspeed. I can clear up our living room rapidly, get youngest dressed in 30 seconds flat and complete the school run before you finish reading this post.
- Invisibility. Being a stay at home Mum often means that I can walk about undetected.
- Superhero calling. Oldest and youngest only have to tip their heads back and call my name and I come flying in.
- I’m like Superman. No I don’t have the power of flight but I do wear big pants. Enough said.
What superhero powers do you have?
I can clean the kitchen with little mans help now which is an achievement. He goes round with his mop, or tries to put some plastic pots in the microwave whilst I clean the kitchen, cook dinner and do the washing up..he doesn’t make too much mess, so I think that is worthy of a superpower getting the kitchen cleaned these days :) #coolmumclub
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haha, that is definitely a superpower :-) x
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This is grea! Particularly resonating are healing powers, invisibility, time freezing (and speeding up - naps and evenings go so quickly!), strength and hearing…I can hear EVERYTHING! But I need to hone quite a few of the others, perhaps I can be a superhero in training and maybe another child will propel me into actual superhero realms! #coolmumclub
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haha, yes i’m sure having another child will propel you into actual superhero realms. Perhaps I need to have another one too to hone my superhero skills…not sure how Mr C would feel about that though :-)
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Haha love this so true! Do you think Marvel are on to this? Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub lovely x
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If not they need to be. No superhero line-up is complete without Super Mum :-) x
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Wow, that is a comprehensive catalogue of superhero powers you have - you’re the more super of them all! Love the big pants note you finished on, very funny :)
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haha, thanks, I really believe that the big pants is key to the super powers ;-)
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Big pants all the way. Brilliant post. Thanks for sharing it on #FridayFrolics
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yep big pants rule! :-)
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I have many of these powers too but never looked at them that way - it’s amazing how parenting gives you a sixth sense if something dodgy is happening in the other room. And eyes behind your head. #coolmumclub x
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the eyes behind your head is a must have super power for us Mums!
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Love this! I never realised that I too am a superhero! Now where is my cape?? #fridayfrolics
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haha, yep get that cape pronto!
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Loved this - so funny! Great last liner :) #FabFridayPost
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Thanks Sara! :-)
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Love it. One of the other mum’s on the school run referred to me as donkey mum because as the time I basically carried three children into the school - much prefer the idea of having superhero strength! Nice to meet you on twitter today and now through #thelist
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Nice to meet you too :-) and yes I agree superhero a much nicer description!
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Brilliant post - this cracked me up! The ability to shower in super quick time and get a blog post written during nap time is my new super power! Thanks for sharing xx #KCACOLS
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Now that is super power that I need! :-)
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This post is all so true! Glad I’m northern only one who finds hidden food - here it was a mouldy cheese sandwich hidden by the 2 year old! God knows how long it hidden in the lounge! Thanks for sharing #KCACOLS
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haha, no I’m with you on the hidden mouldy food! :-)
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Whilst reading your post, my boy wiped a bogie on my jeans, without even looking away I picked it off and wiped it on a tissue. Multi-tasking like a boss! Thanks for linking again #FabFridayPost
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haha, get you! :-)
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This is a very long list, you definitely are a super hero! Reading this has made me realise I am a super hero too! My super power is the ability to read the same book over and over again to my toddler and being able to think about and plan more important things at the same time. The bit about big pants made me laugh!
Thank you so much for linking this up with #KCACOLS. Hope to see you again next Sunday x
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ooooh the must-tasking superhero power is a must have so kudos to you! :-)
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I LOVE this post! It is perfect, well done huni. I totally agree we develop kiss ass powers when we have kids. Thanks for linking up to #TheList x
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Aww thanks :-) x
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This is brilliant! Elasticity is one of the more underappreciated superpowers but very useful. It is called for regularly here, me being 5′ 2″ and w three growing boys to haul round the place, fetch and carry for, etc.
#fridayfrolics
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haha, yes you are right elasticity has be one of the best superpowers! :-)
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