As I get older, creeping ever closer to the next milestone birthday, my mind turns to my legacy. A part of getting older is that you start to realise your own mortality. Mr C and I are now at that age where we are losing loved ones, family members and friends. It’s a part of getting older. I was lucky that as a child I was never really confronted with death. I remember when I was 8 years-old that a Great Grandparent died but apart from that death was very much off my radar. I thought that death was purely reserved for the old because at 8 years-old any adult seems ancient. However, now that I am in my late thirties I realise that death isn’t purely for the old, it can take the young too.
What is My Legacy?
All of this has got me thinking, what should my legacy be? What would my legacy be? A legacy is the desire to be remembered for something you have contributed to the world. Does it make me a person of virtue because I want to do some good, or does it make me selfish that I want to be remembered as a person who did good? I do have a legacy already and that is my children. My two wonderful, clever, kind and very feisty girls. However, can I really claim them as my legacy? I brought them into the world and I help bring them up. I think that they are smart, funny and they have a strong sense of justice but is that what I have instilled in them? Is that down to Mr C? Is it genetics, location or circumstances? Is it wrong and selfish of me to claim them as my legacy?
Have I wasted Time?
I have raised money in the past and I guess that would go towards my legacy but it doesn’t feel enough. I don’t feel like I have done enough for the years that I have been on this earth. But why do I feel this sudden urgency and desire to make my life count, to live my life to the fullest? Am I having a midlife crisis? With Mr C, I would say that he has a concrete (literally) legacy. He is a structural engineer and he has designed the construction of several very cool buildings. He is leaving behind something that he created, something that sums him up and shows his talents.
Is My Career My Legacy?
I worked as a teacher and I like to think that during my teaching career I helped to inspire students and helped them to achieve their full potential. But really can I take credit for that? Is that a suitable legacy? Then there is this blog. A blog that has helped me find myself again after becoming a stay at home mum. A blog that I won an award for (still not sure how that happened), and a blog that has enabled me to create a flexible career. But do I want this blog to be my lasting legacy? The place where I have sometimes poured out my frustrations and loneliness, the place where I have shared my joy and excitement. Is this a suitable legacy? It feels too frivolous, too superficial to be a legacy of merit. Is that reflective of my torn feelings towards my blog? What started as an attempt to connect with others, a way of writing myself out of my loneliness, has now become something I earn money from. Does that make me a sell out?
Am I A Sell Out?
I would argue that, despite my reservations, I am not a sell out and perhaps my blog would be my legacy. Yes, I take work on through my blog and yes, I now have clients I work for. However, I only work with brands that I believe in. I am proud of the fact that I now have a flexible career. A career that I can fit in around the children. Yes, it may not change the world and I’m not saving lives but it means that I am there for my children. I get to do the school run now. That is pretty special to me. At one time I would have never thought that this would be possible.
What Does My Blog Say About Me?
My blog, my legacy, is a reflection of how I have changed as a person. At one time I thought that my career was everything. I worked hard on it. I climbed the ladder but then I soon realised that it didn’t mean anything to me. We were still broke. I was permanently exhausted and I never got to see my oldest child in the morning. I was lucky that I was given an opportunity to escape that cycle. Perhaps Mr C and I have a joint legacy and maybe it’s that we were prepared to take a leap into the unknown, prepared to up sticks and move to Jersey so that we could try and give our family a better life. Brave or foolish? I’m not sure, as I type this the jury is very much out.
What My Legacy Really is
My legacy is that I was determined. I didn’t let setbacks stop me, I pushed forward, and I carried on. I’m not afraid of new adventures, and I’m not afraid to start again. I pursued my passion for writing and now I can say I write for a living. Yes, that might seem a frivolous career but to me it’s one that I love. My legacy is that I have shown my children that you should chase your dreams, that anything is possible as long as you are determined. My legacy might be a bit vague but all I know is that I don’t want to live with regrets. Live your best life. Be kind and always have big dreams. That’s my legacy.