I try not to worry but sometimes in the early hours of the morning when the rest of the house is asleep; I find myself stuck in that never-ending tunnel of night-time, morning still a long way off and all hope of sleep vanished. It is always in the stillness of the night that my mind starts running. Those worries that you keep a tight lid on during the day have a habit of creeping out at night. The other night I was thinking about my online profile and what it says about me as a person.
I hope that all of you lovely readers enjoy my musings, photos and videos because it has occurred to me that this blog is like an autobiography. I am storing my memories and putting them out there for all of you to read, and whilst on the whole it has been a positive process, there has also been some negativity. I have been open about how this blog has changed my life for the better, and how it has made me more open as a person. However, when the stillness of night has crept into my room, I find myself thinking about those Daily Mail headlines, the ones where they have trawled the person’s online presence to find out about the person behind the name. Being the Daily Mail they will often find photos on their Facebook page and taken out of context they don’t tell a pretty story. I wonder what Island Living 365 says about me, Emma, when taken out of context. What quotes would the Daily Mail pilfer from my story?
This blog sees me sharing almost everything. I blog about my passions, my anger and my pride. I share my struggles and I share my pain. I don’t hide much. My voice is shouting to be heard. A voice that for a while became muffled. Shouting for the world to listen can be scary. You have to not think about who is reading you and who might be judging you. Who knows if the next door neighbour is aware that I am a blogger, the receptionist at the doctor’s surgery, my hairdresser and the mums on the school run? Do they read me and if so what do they think? You can’t think about it otherwise you wouldn’t write. I started this blog because I realised that you can’t take anything for granted, and that life can change in a blink of the eye. I am grateful that this blog enables me to record my life, to question and to analyse it. I know that I am not the best blogger and nor will I ever be. I am blogging in a field that has a plethora of talent.
I didn’t blog to be the best, I blogged to be me.
In the past I have tried to research my own family tree and I have only managed to get so far back before the trail ran cold. I am painfully aware that I don’t really know enough about my family’s history. I know that one of my grandad’s fought at the D-Day landings in World War 2, and that is how he lost his arm, but that is all I know. I don’t know how he felt or what he saw. I don’t have any photos of him. Through my blog I am able to leave something for the future generations. I am able to leave photos, my feelings and my thoughts online. Through my blog I am tracking my life and that is an amazing thing to be able to do.
There are many arguments for not living your life online -
- That you are living your life hiding behind a platform.
- Arguments that living our life digitally means that we aren’t living in the now.
However, that has not been the case for me. By writing my blog online it has made me appreciate my life offline even more. Through this blog I am open about my challenges and my thoughts. Blogging has made me feel more connected. We shouldn’t underestimate the power of blogs. Blogs are changing our online world, they are changing the way we read the news and they are changing where we go for our parental advice.
Blogs are written by people like us for people like us.
I started my blog because I missed writing. However, when I really think about it I realise that this is blog is deeply personal. Hidden under the layers of photos and writing are my attempts to come to terms with living on Jersey. I am using this blog as a way to communicate, deconstruct, rebuild and question my ideals about my role as a stay-at-home mum. I sometimes think that I am laying myself bare and vulnerable to attack. Should I be keeping more back. In those twilight hours I mull it over. I think about the time I went to Edinburgh to see Tracey Emin’s ‘The Bed’. A work of art that left me feeling raw and fragile. It was also an exhibit that left me feeling confused and angry. For days afterwards I couldn’t stop thinking about it. This is why Tracey is so successful, ‘The Bed’ had worked in what it set it out to do, it had left me with a very strong, emotional reaction. It meant that I connected with Emin. I felt her pain. A blog post also has the power to do this. We share our deeply personal posts and they have the power to connect with whoever reads them. Whilst I am not comparing blogging to art, like Emin, I am opening myself up, I am putting myself out there. Blogs offer us a chance to connect with someone on a personal level, a chance to read their heartfelt stories. These are stories that wouldn’t be in a newspaper because they aren’t considered newsworthy but they are important stories all the same. I can’t worry about how people see my blog, I can only hope that they understand it and if they don’t? Well any reaction is better than no reaction. In the words of Oscar Wilde
“There is only one thing in life worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.”
As the sun rises and a new day breaks I realise that there is nothing to be afraid of. We can’t please everyone and neither should we try. Instead we should just concentrate on being happy. Now that is a quote I would be happy for the Daily Mail to take out of context 😉
This is fab. You’ll have to tell me about the bed, never saw it just assumed it was one of those silly “installations” by people who call themselves artists even though they haven’t actually got any talent except exhibitionism. I am always open to changing my mind though! When it comes to being happy, I always tell myself to concentrate on the journey, not the destination. Xx
Sarah recently posted…In A Nutshell
I went to the exhibition thinking I would feel like you say, but I was wrong! It was really powerful. However, I went to see another installation artist who is very well known and it was a bit of a let down 🙁
Oh Emma I have the same worries too - there was a moment not too long ago that I almost stopped - a fear came over me that I was sharing too much. I can’t say that feeling has gone away - I’m still reflecting on it at the moment - but reflection and that worry in the night is good Emma - it shows that we care about what we write and we care about how it may be received. Oh I can’t wait to meet you this weekend to chat this through - something tells me we will have heaps to chat through! xx
Justsayingmum recently posted…Raising My Girls
I can’t wait to meet you too. Yes, there will be lots to chat about. 🙂
Great post Emma. I understand where you are coming from re over sharing and whether this leaves you open for criticism or attack but what you write makes you you and what makes your blog human. We hope that what we write impacts someone on some level and in some cases we may cause offense or controversy but we have to keep using our voice and like you said blogs are important and for people like us. “The pen is mightier than the sword” (or keyboard). Also have fun this weekend!
Thank you for your lovely comment. I am now starting to get very nervous. There has been fog on the island today and all planes to Gatwick cancelled. Fingers crossed there are no problems tomorrow! 🙂
Definitely well written. I too wonder what people will think of me from reading my blog, but I do it because I genuinely enjoy it. I’ve always liked to write. I enjoy reading what you have to say and think you’re a talented writer. #TribalLove
Sarah - Mum & Mor recently posted…Confessions of a Bad Dog
Oh thank you, that is a lovely thing to say 🙂 x
Brilliant post, I really feel some of these worries too. You’re right, we have to write like no-one is reading as a lot of our blogs are so deeply personal and we are sharing so much. But, to put my 2p in, I think that’s what makes your blog so fantastic and your writing is often inspiring. I hope I can do the same! Xxx
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Aww, thanks for your really kind comment! You have a fab blog 🙂 xx
I think we all question ourselves sometimes, especially when we get a bit of negativity. There are reasons to be cautious when blogging (in the past I have learned these to my cost. I won’t go into the details here) but I think it’s lovely to share a little bit of your life for now and for future generations. The Internet can be a great leveller, and allows us all to have a voice, for better or worse.
Single Mum Speaks recently posted…When You Just Can’t Think of Anything to Write
Yes, I agree, the internet is a great leveller. Thanks for your comment 🙂
Beautifully written and I’d say we’re all thinking this, at some point or another in our blogging life. It’s hard not to worry about who’s reading and if anyone is judging. It’s brave to post thoughtful and meaningfull insights into your personal word. Thank you for posting this #bloggerclubuk
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Thank you for your lovely comment. I don’t see it as being brave, I think I see it as part of blogging 🙂
I love the way you can explore yourself and what your blog means to you. This resonated with me as I find writing so cathartic at times. I hope you continue enjoying your blog as I enjoy reading it 🙂 #bloggerclubuk
blabbermama recently posted…For the love of Jo- STOP!
Thank you for your really lovely comment. It is so cathartic writing a blog.
I think we all have moments where we worry about this (it seems to me that bloggers are a very worried, introverted bunch!). But I agree, I think it’s so important to write like no-one’s watching - that’s where the honesty and the vulnerability that people relate to comes from, and I think that’s why blogs are so appealing and engaging to read.
Katy - Hot Pink Wellingtons recently posted…Summer style in your 30’s
I love your comment and I completely agree, it is the honesty and vulnerability that makes blogs appealing. Thanks for your comment.
This resonated with me. I have had many of the same thoughts. In fact, I have a blog in my notes that I wrote a month or so ago about this very same topic. We do lay ourselves bare and this can certainly lead to middle of the night worries and panics. I have had the same sleepless hours thinking about what I have written and how it will be read. The thing is, people do not get the full story in the snapshot that a blog gives and can only go on what they read to judge what we say. This can lead to misinterpretation. We have to develop hard skins! It isn’t easy, but we need to accept that not everyone will understand where we are coming from and nor should they. I’m sure that this gets easier to understand with time. Thank you for an interesting read. Alison x #BloggerClubUK
You are right, we do need to develop hard skins. We can’t please everyone!
This is a great post, because I am sure it is the same for everyone. When I first decided I wanted to blog it was simply just that, I wanted to write some things because I enjoyed it. I have been lured into the trap of wondering if anyone else enjoyed what I put, if people can relate to my silliness or if they even like the style that I write in. I’m left thinking back to what my English teacher used to tell me about my writing and hoping that people didn’t see me in the same way he did.
Much like in real life I go through cycles of wanting to be accepted and not caring at all as long as I am happy!
Lucy xx
#TribalLove
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Oh forget your English teacher. You write a fab blog and should feel very proud 🙂
I think this is why I have been nervous about getting too personal on my blog. I’m a little afraid of people finding too much about me online in this Era where people can so easily use it against you. For me I think blogging was more about being more social and challenging myself to try new things. I’ve never been much of a written so I think my expectations for my blog are pretty low. It is hard opening up yourself for criticism but that’s why I think it’s so grateful that we have formed this supportive community. I think you’re doing great #triballove
Sarah@teammomlife recently posted…Confession of a Coffee Addict Part 1
Thank you, I understand that you are nervous but writing a personal post can be really liberating too 🙂
I totally agree with you here. If we stopped to worry about what people would think every time we posted (or indeed every time we spoke) then we would never do it. I love that we are leaving something behind in the form of our blogs
Thanks for linking up to #BloggerClubUK 🙂
Debbie
Random Musings recently posted…Blogger Club UK Linky #23
Yes, I think there is a saying - write like no one is watching? Is that it? I try and think like this when I write a post
Great post! Yes, blogging does leave you vunerable, but as you say what is more important enjoying your online ‘hobby’ or worry that every little thing you say will be taken out of context. I love your blog, it is open, honest, funny and relatable. #BloggerClubUK
Oh thank you, that is really kind of you to say 🙂 x
I think we all have those fears, it’s human nature right? Worry, blame, struggles. All up there. It makes sense to try and be happy about it. I write for like minded people and my parents and one day for my kids to read, hopefully never the daily mail! #triballove
haha, or is that the Daily Fail?
I’ve been worrying about this recently, I think as the months go on I become more aware of people reading and what would they think! But I love the honestly that blogs bring to people. Keep writing you do it so beautifully X bloggerclubuk
Laura - dear bear and beany recently posted…Keeping Hydrated Over The Summer with Robinsons…
Oh thank you, that is such a lovely thing to say. Yes, I think we have to forget about who is reading us. Easier said than done though!
Gosh, this is one of my favourite posts of yours. It’s so thoughtful and captures so much of the emotions and anxiety we all feel about ‘putting ourselves out there’ to a greater or lesser extent. I’m still finding the balance. I don’t think I have talked that much about me yet…Not really. Not necessarily fear, just scheduling lol! If I do, its truth but its also more of a light-hearted look at my issues and random weirdness. But under she surface there’s this little part of me that’s shouting ‘Please like me!’
I actually think its easier for me to blog if it is just me ‘chatting on paper.’ Doing proper posts about proper stuff like wall art is harder as its all about content and structure. Yet, I think I do hold back.
See, you’ve given me a lot to think about and I’m in danger of going into a full on ramble….
So, to summarise. Such a great post. Just keep doing what you are doing. I actually think you have a really good balance. I dont feel like you overshare but I feel as if we get to find out what is important to you and what your passions are….Many of which resonate with me too, That’s why I keep coming back to hear more of your thoughts and adventures. And why I think, ‘Yeah! Emma’s someone I’d like to have a cuppa with!’
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Aww, thanks for your really lovely comment. I’m glad it has got you thinking 🙂
Oh poo! #UkBloggerCLubUK
Jane Taylor recently posted…My first ‘Vlog’. It’s not you, it’s me: My BritMums Live disclaimer.
Ive never really thought about blogging like this… Like you I initially started blogging because I love to write, and I wanted to write in my own voice, to truly say whats going on, and what Im happy about, and what pisses me off, freely! (Its my site and I’ll say what I want kind of attitude) but actually having read this, I do now see my blog as a way of leaving a bit of me behind (no matter how much I swear and rant) the me that is true to who I am, and I adore that thought! thanks.. We CANT please everyone all the time and your absolutely right we shouldnt need to. fab post! #bloggerclubuk
Laughing Mum recently posted…Get The Fuck Away From My Food!
Yep, we should just be happy doing what we are doing! Thanks for your comment 🙂 x
What a great post about the power of blogs. I agree that blogging gives you the opportunity not only to communicate with the world, but also to examine and question your own beliefs and feelings. I started my blog to help me work through what it means to be a new mother, and it’s really helped me not only understand my role as a mother better, but also connected me to other mothers in similar situations, which has helped combat the isolation that so many of us mums face. As long as blogging continues to make me happy, I’m going to keep doing it. #BloggerClubUK
Squirmy Popple recently posted…I have a toddler now and she’s stealing stuff
That is great that you feel like that too. I think it can be really great for battling isolation and giving us a voice!
Great reflections on blogging and ones that I completly agree with. I have been through a similar thought process at times. Am I putting too much out there. Am I making myself and my family too vulnerable. Am I sharing too much?.. But then I always come back to the point that I blog because I need to. I need to get the words out there. Not for others, but for me. For me its almost like the saying that it is better to have loved and lost, than not to have loved at all.. Emily #BloggerClubUK
Thanks for your lovely comment Emily. I agree, we should always rememember why we blog, like you say, we need to blog. xx
It’s funny, I am more that confident to put myself out there online for people to read - all my problems, insecurities etc but it is when someone I know reads it which stresses me out a little which I know is crazy. #bloggerclubuk
I know what you mean about stressing out when someone you knows is reading it!!
I love, love, love this quote “I didn’t blog to be the best, I blogged to be me.” That is what I try to do with all of my posts because who are you if you are not writing for yourself? I hope that by the time I hit almost thirty I would feel confident in my own skin, and I am happy to say that I do. And I am also happy to say that blogging has helped me with this. As you have so beautifully said, there are so many good things about blogging but people tend to focus on the negative ones (…like only living in a digital world). You have touched on so many worries I have about blogging as well, like putting yourself out there for the whole world to read. You’re right we must not think about who is reading it or else we would be too scared to share our stories. This is such a thoughtful post and has really made me think about how I feel about blogging. Thanks for the inspiration and sharing with #StayClassyMama!
The Mum Project recently posted…Stay Classy Mama Link Party #17 AND AWARD NOMINATIONS!
Aww thanks for your comment. I really mean it though, I don’t blog to be the best, I blog because I love it. I was supposed to be doing no blogging today and I ended up blogging. I can’t help it!
Ohhhh this is such an interesting post Emma. I really appreciate your eloquence and honesty, as always. Sometimes it does feel a little like baring our souls for all to see but in general, as you say, it is met with positivity. I agree that being able to look back on these times and see all these memories recorded will be very special. It’s good to reflect on these things and question our motives and boundaries occasionally so we know we are still on the right track. If it makes you happy, that is what counts! #stayclassymama
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Yes, it makes me really happy. I love to blog!
Very interesting Emma…for me the point that struck the most was that you can’t think about it or you won’t write. So true! I’m sure we all write to our readers to some degree but ‘readers’ as in a nice vague concept not Mr and Mrs so and so down the road. This is why I don’t tell many people I blog and haven’t told any family I need the freedom.
I really love hearing about why you started blogging as well and what it has given you personally.
#stayclassymama
Lucy at occupation: (m)other recently posted…How My Son Sleeps Through The Night
There should be some punctuation between ‘family’ and ‘I’ in that comment. Dash maybe, or a comma. Even a full stop would do…
Lucy at occupation: (m)other recently posted…How My Son Sleeps Through The Night
I love your comments!
Well said, Emma. I find that I started blogging (9 years ago!) because i simply love to write and that hasn’t changed one bit. I write for me and, like you, I don’t write to be the best but to be the best writer *I* can be. And, as I’ve discovered, I enjoy sharing and reading the snippets of other people’s lives you find on their blogs. That sense of being in a community of like-minded people is really quite wonderful. #bloggerclubuk
I have to say that I really love the blogging community. Everybody I met on Saturday was so lovely and supportive. I just wish that I had met you!!
I love this article because I can identify with a lot of the things you have articulated. Like you I sometimes worry about how much of my personal life I’m sharing but in equal amount my blog makes me happy and gives me joy and a purpose beyond being a full time mother. I love sharing my experiences and I have found a love for writing and photography that I never thought I had. I think you are a great blogger and enjoy reading your blog but like you said if other don’t I don’t think it matters because you are doing it for you and that is the whole point of doing it. x #stayclassymama
Pat - White camellias recently posted…Week 10 #WorldOfLittles round up
Yes, you are right, what is important is that we are doing it for us. If it makes us happy then we have to continue 🙂
Interesting post. I’m not entirely sure why I blog - a little for fun, a little for creativity and possibly a lot of ‘therapy’ (exploring thoughts that my friends wouldn’t necessarily be interested in as a conversation…)
Yes, I agree, blogging is a bit like therapy 🙂
Fascinating. I am prone to the late night worries. I haven’t got into worrying about this area yet, but that is maybe because I don’t put that much really personal stuff on the blog, really. Precisely because I’m not that open a person and not very comfortable with sharing much of my privacy. But I think that we live in an age where actually most people ARE sharing a lot, on SM if not blogs, and where people relate to openness about from others about their lives. So I think there is nothing wrong with it as long as you are comfortable with what you share. #stayclassy
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You are right. It’s bonkers though, I have gone from someone who didn’t even have a Facebook because I was so private, to writing a blog!